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Hall of Classics>I'm on a mission to shit
Hammock Parties 11:46 AM 05-19-2014
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
RaiderH8r 12:09 PM 05-19-2014
All I ask is that you do a weigh in before and after so we can truly grasp the scale of the thing.
ptlyon 12:09 PM 05-19-2014
PS - have you seen Raggot?
booger 12:09 PM 05-19-2014
Get a shop vac. Take the suction cup of the plunger handle. Don't throw the handle away. Could come in handy to beat that bastard if it gots hair, teeth, is breathing, and/or winks at you when it comes out. Duct tape suction cup to vac hose. Crank it up and wait awhile
srvy 12:10 PM 05-19-2014
This and that. Because you wont make the toilet.
Attached: enema-in-all-pose-for-web.jpg (62.6 KB) bedpan.jpg (25.4 KB) 
Dayze 12:11 PM 05-19-2014
Originally Posted by htismaqe:
Saline laxative works just as well as is far less "intrusive".
:-) didnít know that.
I hope he didnít make the entire thing up just to have an excuse for the enema.
RaiderH8r 12:11 PM 05-19-2014

Dinny Bossa Nova 12:13 PM 05-19-2014
There's a butt plug joke in there somewhere.

Dayze 12:14 PM 05-19-2014
Otter 12:14 PM 05-19-2014
Originally Posted by Dayze:
enema time. my newphew years back was stopped up for like 4-5 days for whatever reason, and he had to get 'cleaned out'.
Originally Posted by :
I routinely go 2-3 days without making a deposit.
I'm sure I'm broken. lol
I just want you to know up front that when I splice the genes together to make the Chiefs QB for 2020 your familes digestive system will not be included.
booger 12:15 PM 05-19-2014
Quit soliciting those trannys on Craigslist man they got your shit all fucked up
gblowfish 12:15 PM 05-19-2014
So, did GoChiefs give birth yet?
Did it look like Mount Rushmore?

And more importantly, surgery for what?
Are you a woman now?
Dayze 12:15 PM 05-19-2014
Pasta Little Brioni 12:17 PM 05-19-2014
Simply is watching this thread with glee
gblowfish 12:19 PM 05-19-2014
He needs a Mega Colon Blow power shake...

Pepe Silvia 12:21 PM 05-19-2014
Originally Posted by gblowfish:
He needs a Mega Colon Blow power shake...
I was thinking the same thing. :-)
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