Originally Posted by Mecca:
His aunt gave him his car..he pays for his phone and gas by donating plasma. I have never paid for any of that.
He held a part time job at O'Reilly's for 4 months and applied for credit cards...he got his buckle card when he worked there for a month.
Eh well shit.
What happens if you just talk to him and just lay everything down on the table. No anger, just the plain facts. Ask how he feels about life and about how much support he expects and ask him directly how he would support himself if he was kicked out. I would be interested in knowing how he would answer that. [Reply]
When I was 19 years old, I was kicked out of my father's house. It was one of the best things that have happened to me. At the time, I was doing drugs and hanging out with the wrong crowd. One night, I had a massive party when my father went out of town, and the house got wrecked. That was the final straw. He told me that the free ride was over, to pack my shit and get out.
I stayed with some friends for a bit. I had to shuffle around a few times, so as not to wear out my welcome. It was quite clear that the free ride was indeed over. None of my friend's parent's seemed to want to permanently house and feed another kid. Go figure.
I got an apartment with a friend of mine. My father helped by cosigning for me to be able to get it. I had to work two jobs to pay rent & utilities, cover food and extremely minimal entertainment. It was a great life lesson. Instead of resenting him, I finally understood that working sucks, and that it sucks even more when you are a single parent raising an ungrateful kid.
It also didn't take very long before I realized that I should get a skilled job that paid more, so that I didn't have to work two crappy jobs to make ends meet. I found a job doing something that I liked, and the rest is history.
Maybe it was a different time. Maybe my case is the exception to the rule. I never once blamed my father for booting me out. I knew that I deserved a kick in the ass. We have a great relationship to this day. I grab a beer with my father probably every other weekend. [Reply]
Originally Posted by Couch-Potato:
My humble opinion: Kid is suffering from depression due to what he perceives as a lack of a future. Super outside opinion here but, if you're able to, maybe send him on a trip by himself or with a close friend. Somewhere adventurous, to make him feel like he's really accomplished or done something he can be proud of after HS. Somewhere like Talum or Thailand for a couple of weeks, Euro kids do it all the time at that age and he could stay in a hostel with other similar-aged kids for just $10 a night in those backpacker towns. Or maybe on a camping trip in say one of Utah's National Parks, or snowboarding in Colorado. Would instantly turn you into the cool parent for actually understanding and helping him do more than just take a $17/hr job flipping burgers. Pulling a reverse card might actually help motivate him to come home and take one of those jobs bc now he has a newfound meaning for working, a hobby he's proud of, whether that be traveling to cool places, hiking, snowboarding or whatever.
Just my .02c, not a father, but was once a 19-year-old kid in KS wanting to experience more.
So promote shit behavior and laziness with a reward. Everyone gets a trophy. [Reply]
Originally Posted by Mecca:
Dude she would like to strangle him..he's a giant piece of shit to her all the time.
She could literally say "it's nice today" and he's go into a 10 minute diatribe about how stupid she is for thinking that. And then act like she not allowed an opinion...yet if he's ever spoken to about anything important unless you're patting his ass he goes into the "don't yell at me" shit when no one's yelling and throws a pity party..
To be fair also he's super manipulative and a therapist told me he's at best borderline sociopathic.
I didn't want to be the one to say it, but.. yeah.
Making money by donating plasma is just a lazy fuck thing to do. The only people in my life I've ever known to do so were my mom's druggie boyfriends. [Reply]
Glad you're getting a lot of input Mecca, hope it provides some help and relief. I'm on the outskirts of a similar issue, but where the natural father is very much involved. I don't feel near the strain but can imagine. If I make one suggestion is that you and his mom take care and enjoy your own lives as much as possible. No amount of your misery is going to make that kid any happier. [Reply]
