Originally Posted by Mecca:
Yea it's something I have to get cleared up, I'm pretty sure they think we're in his policy when we're not or something got ****ed up.
Still the point is his reaction was not on.
I presume you and his mother have laid down what is expected of him and what is not? And what is unacceptable? [Reply]
Originally Posted by RubberSponge:
Unless it involves some type of real criminal behavior, and I'm not talking about pot smoking or underage drinking, I don't see many great outcomes to kicking out the kid. Does he has somewhere to go or a means to have somewhere to go?
Doubtful he would learn any real life lesson other than to be able to learn how to identify an asshole.
Hmmm...my mom kicked me out of the house once...right after she punched me in the face. And I fucking deserved it.
It was about as real of a life lesson as I'll ever have. [Reply]
Honest Question. Didn't you live at home well into adulthood?
Circumstances matter. If you're booting him out so you can have a naked room, you should probably give him a date to be out so he can make arrangements. Help the kid land on his feet.
If he's being a scumbag, stuff his crap into a garbage bag. He's being disrespectful to his mother in your home? That should be handled on the spot. [Reply]
Originally Posted by Detoxing:
If you're going to kick him out you should understand that this ending well for him is unlikely. And you have to be ok with that.
He's not going to get kicked out and all of a sudden grow up and stop being a shit head. If anything he'll get heavier into weed/booze etc, resent you and his mother (mostly you) and maybe spiral further out of control.
He'll likely only be somewhat out of your life. He'll complain about how ya'll dont love him, how this is ya'll's fault, he'll guilt trip you and call you to bail him out everytime he puts himself in a ****ed situation.
So while he'll be out of the house and you don't have to deal with him on a daily basis, you're really just trading one se of problems for another.
Did Mecca mention anything about crime or drugs?
He did mention the kid is a sociopath. And you’re advocating Mecca play into that as some type of fearful worrywart. Exactly what a manipulator wants. [Reply]
Until he's ready to help himself, I don't see that there's a great way to do it. I've heard from so many people who have that kid, that brother/sister, etc, who had to hit rock bottom before they figured it out.... and if the kid feels like he has all the control (free place to stay, can be a complete shithead to everyone around him), there's zero incentive for him to one day come to you and say he's moving out because he has it all figured out and wants to start paying for his own place with a real job, etc, outside of potentially chasing tail.
There's always charging rent and so forth, or saying he can live there as long as he has a full time job and is looking to move out or is full time in school... so, he at least has options. But, I assume you've tried that and other things and you're already at the end of your rope.
People have a way of getting their shit together when forced to do so, and that's all you can hope for. [Reply]
This is only semi-related, but if the kid doesn't have (or can't hold) a job, how does he get money to live? If some of that is coming from the parents, that's a tool for leverage.
Worst case, you pay for the kid's first three months of rent on the condition that he'll never move back in. And then you change the locks. Keeping him out is probably easier than getting him out. [Reply]
Originally Posted by RubberSponge:
You're never going to be able to control his actions. So don't even think about them.
Tell him to pay the bill and kick rocks. And be done with it. He is an adult now. He gets pulled over and gets a ticket for expired insurance. Oh well, on him. He gets in a wreck with no insurance, oh well, on him. Those are life experiences one can learn from. Being kicked out onto the street with the colder months coming up, with no means to support himself with proper shelter I don't see how any of that could help.
Parenting don't stop at 18. Not saying you need to hold their hand. But what real good has come from sending someone out onto the streets ever really done for any one other than getting them out of your hair.
Just one person of course, but my brother was homeless for a while and then got his shit together pretty quickly... he had found a place to stay after my parents were over it, but relied on a few roommates for rent, and I believe got evicted when they bailed. He's had a full time job ever since.
Sister was incredibly lazy, had a kid, and shaped up/grew up real quick.
I obviously don't know this kid at all, but a lot of people are only lazy shitheads because they have the safety net of taking advantage of everyone else. Take away the safety net and they get off their lazy ass and grow up.
And if they don't, well... they would be living with you forever. [Reply]
Originally Posted by Frazod:
You might want to check with an attorney. As crazy as things are today, it wouldn't surprise me if he doesn't have some sort of tenant rights and you'd have to give him legal notice or some such shit.
Also, how do you think he'd react? Do you think he might be dangerous?
My first thought.
It sounds crazy, but there was a 30-something year old who sued his parents for kicking him out. They had to go through the eviction process. Definitely worth a call to someone who might do a free consultation. [Reply]
