And you're coming across like a complete ass...When one is going through something like this, it's a good idea to get opinions from many sources, then you make your own decision. I'm sure this isn't the only place he's getting advice from.
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Tough love isn't really a thing.

All your trying to do is have a "wake up" call to his brain. You just want a behavior change. The exacerbation and the end of the rope kind of feeling is a real thing.

You can send him down a road he is already on and he is too stubborn to take the exit path. If he's in the house, maybe not tomorrow bur sometime soon, you can find him an exit path off this bad path he is on now.
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It’s a sad situation. Absolutely no boundaries have ever been set. Getting to this point has been in the making for years. The young adult has no respect for himself or others. A learned behavior no doubt. The parents allow themselves to be disrespected by an individual they feed and shelter. How insane is that? Sir, may I have another? That young adult is doing absolutely nothing he isn’t allowed to do. Everything he is doing against the parents is because they allow it happen.
The situation may or may not be remedied. Number one it will take a shit load of work on the parents side. Which if they were up to the task they wouldn’t be at this current situation. The young adult is 19 still a very impressionable age. The problem is he is not going to allow you and the mother to break him down and build him back up.
It comes down to one decision. Do you want to be shit on by a 19 yo or do you want to man up and have self worth and dignity? If she chooses the kid over you that’s all you need to know.
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This place has a wealth of experience and knowledge behind it.

I can’t think of a better place on the internet to ask life questions. You don’t have to take the advice here, but it will give some guidance.
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Tough love is absolutely a real thing. The flip side is enabling bad behavior is also a real thing. The tight wire rope walk between the two is complicated and not so easily decided case by case. Knowing many variables with several families that had to decide I can’t definitively decide I would know which way to go either. But if a breaking point is crossed, sometimes some families have to do it. It’s still not going to be easy.
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I’ll just point out again, in my professional opinion, that we have no where near enough information to even consider suggesting kicking him out or forcing him into the military is the way to go. This is a step kid, the circumstances of that and how it came to be are extremely relevant. How long have they been living together? What’s the relationship if any between the mom and ex? If none, why? What happened to the dad? Did the kid ever know his dad? Many more questions just around that one subject are incredibly important here.

I’m also not going to assume for even a second that the parents have listened to the kid well or exhausted all resources and that everything they’ve done raising the kid has been in his best interest or with his concerns and issues primarily in mind. I know he said the kid doesn’t want therapy but that doesn’t just mean oh well, we tried.

Often times parents have to meet the kid half way and not just say “you” have problems or “you should do…” this or that. Even if you truly believe it’s all the kids own doing and issues and it’s objectively true, that’s mostly irrelevant because the kid isn’t capable or willing to see it. I would recommend the parents suggest they are doing there best but acknowledge that the family as a whole needs help, not just the kid. Therefore they should all see someone together to resolve their problems, not his problems. I believe he said he has a therapist, but it should not be that one. They should all see a different one together.
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Absolutely agree....

Don't get me started on those who can work but choose not to....
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Civilization has sprung up more or less independently five times - the Fertile Crescent, Ancient Egypt, China, Mesoamerica, South America and maybe one more I'm forgetting like the Indus Valley.

The main key seems to a surplus of food, which allows people to specialize and not all be forced to spend most of their days as subsistence farmers or hunting and gathering. That surplus has to be managed. Also for the first time ever a previously egalitarian society which might not have even had a concept of land ownership or money, splits into haves and have-nots. From there you see classes and rulers start to emerge.

As the civilization gets bigger, the rulers tend to become "descended from the gods", and class stratification becomes more calcified. Religion and shared myths also seem to be extremely important to get people to cooperate and work toward common goals at the level needed to maintain a large city-state.
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If I'm following this thread correctly, the correct path is to drop him off in the wilderness and tell him he is a hunter-gatherer now.
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Precisely.
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It's the only way they learn. Hell, at least humans give their offspring 18 years. Try being a baby sea turtle
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He sounds like my nephew somewhat. Dude was just stuck in a rut and didn't know where to turn as everyone was trying to suggest something. He was going to do his own thing.

He recently moved to San Diego because a friend of his, family was willing to help him with a place to stay at their house. Years back my mother helped that family by taking that friend into her house (long story) so they are returning the favor. He is now working at a hotel on the beach and doing well. He has been told he can not come back home so he has to get up everyday and work. He says his buddy doesn't have a job and that kids parent is ok with that. Anyways, my nephew is doing well and growing a lot.

Getting him out of his grandma's house where he lived since he was 15 and is now 21 has helped him tremendously. Sometimes young men need a challenge that their interested in. The trick is finding that challenge and it being away from home.

Hope this info helps and good luck.
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I have found that a parent can do everything right and still have a phucked up kid. It is not always about how you raise a child. That's not to negate the importance of discipline, love, values and family life. But you can be a great mom or dad and still have a reprobate as a child.

I'm lucky. My kids are a huge blessing in my life. But my brother and his wife have a daughter who simply cannot stay out of trouble, and they raised her well. She's just determined to screw every opportunity and every one in her life.
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It's really impossible to say but I'd wager it had a lot to do with it. I'm also sure there's a lot more in play. Suzzer touched on it a bit but the earliest civilizations all cropped up near fertile rivers so it seems the first step toward creating civilization was securing food in an area.

Don't even get me started on language. I literally have no clue how that even develops lol

I'd love to be a fly on the straw hut wall at various points in our species' timeline just to see!

Yep, rivers were huge early on. It's hilarious that we've gone from basically needing to establish a city near a reliable water source to being able to create massive, thriving cities in completely arid and hostile deserts (Vegas and Dubai come to mind).

I also wonder why there wasn't a massive civilization that developed along the Amazon in Brazil somewhere. Or perhaps one did, but it was reclaimed by the rainforest and we've yet to re-discover it..?

I've read that there were some large civilizations in North America along the Mississippi that we didn't know about until recently. Supposedly disease traveled much more quickly than Westward expansion. Europeans thought God literally created a perfect scenario for them, when in fact they had just come upon land that was already cultivated then abandoned by the Natives lol
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This is also interesting to me (sorry y'all, I won't be as long-winded on this subject). The ol' nature vs. nurture debate.

How much of who you are is based on your experiences? How much of who you are is just who you were destined to be?
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