Nothing says "shit just got real" like finding the doors to "your" home locked and your belongings sitting on the driveway when you get home.
The kid is not wired correctly, Mecca. He won't respond to traditional threats and incentives. You have to go nuclear and kick him out of the house. No more excuses, and no more opportunities, and no more handling it with a loving manner. You've tried to verbalize your demands, and now it's time give him notice by showing him what reality looks like.
I don't have any experience with this personally. My kids were born and raised inside of a loving marriage that set boundaries and expectations for them from the time they were toddlers. It sucked to keep on them constantly, but the rewards were and are plentiful once the buy-in becomes complete. Kids want and seek direction at a young age. They don't, however, seek it a later age if the discipline was never instilled early on. He's a lost cause until he learns how to truly live a responsible life outside of you and your wife.....or doesn't, but it should no longer be your burden.
Originally Posted by ChiTown:
Nothing says "shit just got real" like finding the doors to "your" home locked and your belongings sitting on the driveway when you get home.
The kid is not wired correctly, Mecca. He won't respond to traditional threats and incentives. You have to go nuclear and kick him out of the house. No more excuses, and no more opportunities, and no more handling it with a loving manner. You've tried to verbalize your demands, and now it's time give him notice by showing him what reality looks like.
I don't have any experience with this personally. My kids were born and raised inside of a loving marriage that set boundaries and expectations for them from the time they were toddlers. It sucked to keep on them constantly, but the rewards were and are plentiful once the buy-in becomes complete. Kids want and seek direction at a young age. They don't, however, seek it a later age if the discipline was never instilled early on. He's a lost cause until he learns how to truly live a responsible life outside of you and your wife.....or doesn't, but it should no longer be your burden.
Good luck to all of you!
Sounds great until he ends up on the news arrested sucking dick for coke [Reply]
Originally Posted by ChiTown:
Except it's no longer Mecca's problem.
Yep, sometimes the choices are being a shithead under your own roof or being a shithead out in the real world... that's it. There's no "if only I said/did/paid for this, he'd figure it out!" [Reply]
When I was in the military, my mom always called the Red Cross saying I wouldn’t ever call home. My life was a hell of a lot better without or my stepdad involved in it. Fucking freaks [Reply]
Originally Posted by Flying High D:
When I was in the military, my mom always called the Red Cross saying I wouldn’t ever call home. My life was a hell of a lot better without or my stepdad involved in it. ****ing freaks
Originally Posted by Mecca:
My step son is veering dangerously close to this. His mom is already wanting him out...is there even remotely a good way to go about this?
Sorry you are in this situation. Hopefully this helps…
There was a terrible situation that happened this year in Cedar Rapids, when a 20 year old University of Iowa student was living at home, and his parents told him to either get a job or move out. The student ended up murdering both parents and his 19 year old sister.
Obviously, these are outliers, but you said a therapist said he's 'at best' 'borderline sociopathic,' so I think there's a legitimate concern that you need to look out for your family's safety when doing any sort of transition.
If you live with someone with mental health problems, you have to be educated on how you can deal with those. How has he responded to stressful situations in the past? Did he exceed expectations, or lash out? Does he respond positively to certain types of motivations? What can be used to incentivize him for the good?
There are a lot of young males out there that feel adrift and left behind by society.
I tend to avoid confrontation with everything, and that's not always the best approach. But if you're dealing with an actual sociopath, I think you have to tread lightly in this situation.
