Ten Things About Today’s Game: Divisional Playoff, KC 31 Indy 13

10. It’s after 10pm and yes, I have been drinking. A lot. I got to Arrowhead around Noon, and finally walked in my front door here in Glorious Independence, MO around 8:30 to peel out of my damp winter survival gear. When I got into my robe and jammies, I had a sammich and started watching the game broadcast. I would just like to sincerely say, **** Mike Tirico, **** Tony Dungy, and especially **** RODNEY HARRISON, who all picked against the Chiefs in the pre-game show. Rodney Harrison was one of the dirtiest players ever, and Dungy wouldn’t have had a coaching career without Marty. So screw all those guys. Excuse me while I crack open another Boulevard Wheat.

9. For those of you outside of KC, I don’t think the game broadcast really showed the significance of the snow. The field had been covered up to a couple hours before kickoff. Outside Arrowhead, we had about nine inches of snow. It was a wet sloppy snow, kind of like lake effect snow. It shovels like wet cement. It snowed all morning and all afternoon, and spit more snow during the game. The fans were rabid and ready for a fight. They were loud and crazy all day long. I was late getting to the stadium because I couldn’t find my parking pass. I never did find it, and had to waste an hour setting up a ticketmaster account for Mrs. B, and transferring the parking pass to her phone. Why the Chiefs won’t just let you print out a goddamn ticket just makes me mad. Anyway, we finally got it figured out, and got in the gate with no issues. They parked me in Olathe although I was there three and a half hours before kickoff. I took a few pictures today which I’ll post later. It was a healthy trudge to the stadium.

8. Over the course of the year I get a lot of guff from the CP trolls about “All you do is read the stat sheet and don’t really add anything.” Well, I sat in the frickin snow and cold with Mrs B today, and I met Rain Main in person. So guys like Prison Bitch can suck it. I’ll make a few general comments on the game itself, but this win is so big, so historic, that it really doesn’t matter how we managed to do it. We just did it. The monkey on our backs has been spanked. Some Native Americans were out on the field before kickoff blessing the field. Will Shields was on drum duty. I promised my friend Gary I would fart on third down to help with crowd noise. Mission Accomplished.

7. For as bad as the defense has been this year, I guess if you’re going to show up and play your signature game of the year, this was a good week to pick for that. Colts had NO FIRST DOWNS for most of the first half, and scored their only first half TD without gaining a first down. The punt block was due to a high snap by Winchester. Just one of those things. A bad special teams play by the Colts near the end iced the game for KC, and we’ll get to that. Who was big today? Everybody on the front defensive wall: Bailey, Nnadi, Chris Jones all were a handful. Edge rush from Ford was good all day, and he played the run much better. Houston had a monster sack and a fumble recovery. He earned his paycheck. Luck officially had no picks, but should have had two: Nelson dropped one that would have been a pick six in the second half, and Murray dropped one that fell right in his lap near the sideline. Luck got sacked three times, and he had only been sacked 18 times in 17 games prior. So that’s bringing some great heat. Plus he had multiple passes batted down. And KC had only one defensive holding penalty on the secondary during garbage time at the very end. All in all a stellar game for the defense. They won the day. Time to crack open another beer.

6. Adam Vinatieri must have contracted Elliot’s Disease. He missed a 23 yard field goal and puked a PAT. Not bad for a guy the national wanks call “the greatest kicker ever.” I think he and Seabass ought to just meet up on a golf course somewhere in Florida and call it a career. Buttkicker was money. Thank God this time we forced Seven Dirty Sanchez punts (versus the dreaded no punt game) and although Colquitt had one blocked, he also did a nice job selling the running into the kicker near the end of the fourth quarter to sustain KC’s final scoring drive. Well done, and helped seal the deal.

5. Special kudos to Damien Williams, who did a pretty impressive impersonation of Kareem Hunt today, without kicking any drunken party chicks. He rushed for 123 yards and a TD. That’s January rushing production. The line gets some love for converting three out of four fourth down attempts, blowing the Colts front wall right off the ball. Fisher had a couple of rough penalties, as did Irving. Mahomes got sacked four times, but he attempted over 40 passes. So some sacks are going to happen when you throw that much.

4. Today was the first time in NFL playoff history that a team had a wide receiver, running back and QB score TDs on running plays. So, although Mahomes didn’t throw for a TD, his three main guys had big days. Hill rushed for a TD and caught 72 yards on what looks to be a still tender ankle. Kelce ate the Colts alive in the middle with 108 yards, and Sammy Watkins return was productive with 62 yards. His second half fumble could have been a momentum changer, but Ford tomahawked the ball from Luck two plays later, Houston fell on it to get it back for Mahomes.

3. Final game stuff to consider: Indy was ZERO for NINE on third down. That’s championship defense. KC held Luck’s offense to 263 total yards and only one offensive TD. Colts had nine penalties, with a bunch of those being defensive guys jumping offsides on Mahomes hard count. You'd think it would be their O-line jumping off, but it was mostly D-line offsides.

2. It was 24-7 at the half. When KC came out and failed to move the ball in the third quarter, I was having ugly flashbacks of last year when Alex Smiff’s anemic offense got shut out the entire second half by the Tits. But this year, both teams were scoreless in the third quarter. And when Luck managed to hit one to TY Hilton (or KY Jelly as I like to call him), we got the ball right back, and rammed it right down their throats. Biggest stat in this game was time of possession. KC was double Indy, 40 mins to 20 mins.

1. I couldn’t help but cry when we won. I don’t usually yell a lot anymore at Arrowhead. I’m old, and I yelled at Stabler, and Fouts, and Elway, and Marino, and Five Head, and Flacco, and others and other and others. I don't have the voice for it anymore. Today in the second half I yelled like when I was 20. And when they actually won a home playoff game for the first time in 25 years I cried. I kissed Mrs. B, and thought about my dad who passed in 2011 a week after we lost to the Ravens with Casshole as our QB. I thought about my friend Derrek who killed himself in March the spring after we lost the debacle to Pittsburgh three years ago. I thought about all the great Chiefs fans in this city and elsewhere, who had endured six straight crushing home playoff losses. The last playoff win was 25 years ago with Joe Montana. And he had to do it in OT. This game was a blowout. It was just what the doc ordered. I don’t want to think much about what happens next weekend, and who we play. I just hope the Pats and Bolts beat the crap out of each other tomorrow, then come what may, we’ll deal with it. Congratulations to all of us on the CP on this wonderful snowy Saturday in KC. It was indeed our finest hour in a long, long, long time.

Game Highlights can be seen here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wr2v...feature=onebox
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