Funny Stuff Dad Jokes - Page 3

Spoiler!

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Dad, I’m hungry.

Hi hungry, I’m dad.
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What do you call a fish with no eyes.

FSSSSSH
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My wife asked my daughter if she heard about the little boy that was kidnapped.

It is okay, he woke up.

(My daughter was like, ugh, that is so old, why, why would you do that to me)
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My favorite one lately with my daughter

Daughter: "... how did I end up with you as a Father."
Me: "it was an accident"

I've been laughing over that one for a month now.
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Originally Posted by morphius:
My favorite one lately with my daughter

Daughter: "... how did I end up with you as a Father."
Me: "it was an accident"

I've been laughing over that one for a month now.

My son once said to me "You mother fucker"

I says back "You're right I am a mother fucker how do you think you were conceived?"
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Originally Posted by Rasputin:
My son once said to me "You mother fucker"

I says back "You're right I am a mother fucker how do you think you were conceived?"

I may be a Mother Fucker but the mother I fuck ain’t mine...
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2 birds were sitting on a perch. One turned to the other and said "Do you smell fish?"
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2 fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and said "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
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Why did the mortician put a white shirt on the dead man?

The dead man couldn't put it on himself.
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What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife?

Nothing, he was gladiator.
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Two hookers are standing on a corner when a cop drives past. One looks at the other and asks, "have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The other says, "no, but I've been swung around by the tits."
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Originally Posted by notorious:
I say this to my kids every time we drive by a cemetery.

“You know, the cemetery is a very popular place. People are dying to get in.”

Even as they grow older they still smirk due to the cheese factor. :-)

I heard that one as "Why do cemeteries have fences?"
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Before I met your Mother I would go to three different church services on Sunday to meet women. I was a real Roman Catholic.
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