Originally Posted by TLO:
I appreciate the words of CP wisdom.
I'm doing quite well. I have a lot of positive things going for me in my life. This is just a speed bump.
The hardest part is going to be talking to her 2 kids about it. Currently have that planned for later today. They're not my kiddos, but I've been around them long enough that I've seen them grow up for 4.5 years. I love those kids..
My last breakup of a serious, live-in relationship was over 30 years ago now. She was the poster child for false advertising; the first month we were together was magical, but her sweetness was all an act. After she moved in with me and her name was on the lease, the mask came off and the claws came out. She was a complete domineering witch, had to be in control of everything. Also a raging neat freak. Bitched and yelled and screamed about everything. Apparently she pegged me for someone she could control. She was really, really wrong. At first I was so dumbfounded by the change I just went along with it, hoping her attitude change was just some sort of phase. It wasn't. After that, things got worse and worse and worse. The really shitty part was how she'd still act all sweet and charming when we were around my friends, so when I told them what a bitch she was many of them didn't believe it. I felt completely trapped. It was horrible. She was young and pretty, a fantastic cook, and we had great sex, and I still felt trapped. Every night coming home from work the words from the Police song played in my head (he sees the family home now, looming in the headlights, the pain upstairs that makes his eyeballs ache). It was so weird. Towards the end we were either fucking or fighting; no in between. Eventually it got to the point where I didn't even want to fuck her. And even though it left me in financial ruin, I finally threw her out.
After she was gone, for the first six months I barely left the house except to go to work. She not only made me hate women, she made me hate people. Also, I was too goddamn broke to do anything anyway. Eventually I got past it, but it took a long time. What a fucking bitch.
Thank God I didn't marry her and doubly thank God she didn't get pregnant. Haven't seen her since, but the thought of her still pisses me off. No idea if she's dead or alive, but if she is alive, I'm sure Satan is waiting for her with a management offer.
I did learn two very important things from her, though. First, I can spot that fake niceness shit instantly now, and second, I now know that its's better to be alone than to be alone with a bitch. [Reply]
I had a somewhat different experience with break-ups.
The first time my wife and I dated, I dumped her because she was acting immaturely and was becoming a PITA. I immediately latched on to a girl I'd had my eyes on for awhile -- a few months earlier I had tried to put the moves on her at a party, but she didn't seem interested. Well, now she suddenly was more amenable. So we fooled around for a few days -- until she left for Arkansas to babysit some of her kin for the summer.
Well, shortly after she left, my ex came crawling back to me (she denies to this day she crawled back, but trust me) and we got back together. She behaved much better, and well, here we are 29 years of marriage later (and not counting several years of dating before that). Of course, that meant I had to break up with my new GF long distance -- I had to write her a Dear John letter (Dear Jill?). I hated doing that, but it was the right thing to do. When she came back I hugged her and apologized profusely. I think she got over it.
One other thing: A couple of weeks after I got back together with the future wife, she went on vacation with her family for a week or two to Wyoming and South Dakota. Back home, a female friend "introduced me" to her cousin who I had seen a few weeks earlier and had mentioned was very pretty. Later that night, as they were driving around, my friend asked if I wanted to go with them back to her house to play cards. I knew exactly what she was doing -- she didn't know I was back with my future wife, and she thought she could set me up with her cousin. It was nice of her to think of me.
I remember in that moment the scene from Animal House where Larry Kroger has the angel and the devil on each shoulder. Well, my devil was whispering in my ear, "YOLO." The angel was saying, "You don't want to be a serial dumper." Like Pinto, I chose the angel, and politely declined the invitation. (That poor cousin later died of cancer at a relatively young age.)
So if you believe that some things were meant to be, I think my marriage is a good example. [Reply]
I guess the last breakup I had that wasn't the story below was with a woman I dated a couple of years after that - would have been the mid-90s or so. "Dating" really isn't the right word; she basically used me for sex. She was married to some drugged out loser that for reasons I never understood she wouldn't leave. This meant I couldn't call her - all I could do was page her. Sometimes she'd respond, then she come over, have sex, and she'd leave. Sometimes she wouldn't respond. Maybe she'd come over four times in a week, maybe I wouldn't hear from her for a month. She basically used me the way a guy would use a woman, but being a man, I had no problem with it. We never went anywhere, I never spent money on her. She'd come over, we'd fuck, and she'd leave. That was that.
But eventually I got sick of the whole deal - the husband, her lying about pretty much everything, all of it. One night she was over and we were watching TV. I looked at her and said "We're not fucking. Why are you here?" She got up and left without a word. Never saw her again. :-) [Reply]
