Who? Fun Bags?
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Bikram or vinyasa?
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I do both, I do a 26&2 on Tues/Thirs that is Bikram, and I get the vinyassa flow in whenever I can, today was vinyassa
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No, The Catch.

Pre-funbags. I was with her from 2010-2017, after 1st wife.

Don't why it's fucking me up so bad...
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Bikram is great for you, but the first couple of times I did it I felt like I was going to puke halfway through the class. But once you get used to the heat it’s very beneficial to sweat like a heathen for 90 minutes. Lots of scenery in those classes, too.
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Get your shit together, bud. That was over 5 years ago. If there's anything I've noticed about you, it's that you can't let shit go even when it's bad for you. She's married. Why are you wasting emotion on this? That bridge is done burned. Quit torturing yourself for past mistakes regardless of who's fault they were. Your redemption is in front of you, but you keep looking the wrong direction and getting sucked back in.

She wasn't the catch. Let it go. Focus on looking for the actual catch. Your bad memories and shitty past are what's dragging you down. Don't let it. It's in the past. Just look forward.
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I've never processed it.

My grandma who raised me died in 2016 - nothing.
Me and her broke up in 2017 - nothing.
Got arrested and moved to NY in 2018 - nothing.
Drug court in 2019 - nothing.
Funbags in 2020 - that's when I started to break, and I've been in shock since.
In 2021 alone, i moved 3 times, got arrested twice (on bogus charges), and got married AND divorced within a 6 month window.

If I don't stop and process this, all of this, NOW, the cycle will continue.

Guitar player in Driving Wheel just today said "well, you're popular with girls; i mean, they REALLY like you, so I don't get the problem."

And I'm like, the problem is if I DON'T get my shit together, then the same shit will keep happening. And getting worse.

You're NOT wrong, I just understand that I probably do need to grieve over her. I miss her. I need to acknowledge that. I miss my grandma. I miss Funbags, too. One of my biggest issues is NOT processing, NOT feeling.

I just kind of have to be alone for now. It's a solo trip.
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Well, I agree. You do need to process it. One of the things I've noticed about heavy pot use is an inability to process stuff like this. You've really got to stop for a very extended period. I think that's been part of your inability. You know what you need to do to confront these issues. Just be sure to do it sober. Because if you don't, you will simply self justify once you're fucked up and start the cycle again. The best thing for you would be an extended camping trip with absolutely no stimulants and no access to any, and allow your body to get back to a natural functionality. It might take a week or more, but I guarantee it would do you good.
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"You gotta eat an elephant one bite at a time!" You've already identified the things that will make you happy, now write out a plan to accomplish each of those goals and put it to action. You can do it! lol sounds stupid, but something that I struggle with myself and although its always easier to give advice than take it, I can assure you this is what's worked for me in the past. What typically depresses me is A) not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or in other words not having a plan to success, and B) not making progress on MY goals. Hope this helps!
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Cause you dwell on the things you liked about them.

You need to dwell on the things you didn't like about them.
And burn their wicked gardens to the ground.







Yaa
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Gotta agree with Fish and LiveSteam on this.

Goodluck Rabb, we are all pulling for you.
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Wishing you well. BTDT. My ex pretty much sailed my ship of state onto the rocks, plundered the boat and set it on fire. Rode away laughing. But I'm still here. I had to work to get my mind right about this mess -and I've quit being mad at her. She's not as cool as I am, them's the breaks. If you want something to think about - look into a way of thinking called 'stoicism'. Ancient Rome stuff, might not be up your alley. I like it. https://gettingstronger.org/category/stoicism/

https://minimalism.co/articles/stoicism-meaning

https://www.thoughtco.com/stoics-and...osophy-4068536

FWIW, it took me some time to get my mind right. If you can - go walking. Burn a calorie, breathe some good air. Look at a pretty tree and realize how good it is to be alive. You've got problems. I've got problems. Live thru it. Better times aren't far away.
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think about the good things you got going and dispute the automatic negative bullshit thoughts
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These two nailed it. And, not knowing you but from what I’ve gathered, letting go of the stimulants for a couple of weeks might be a real challenge… take that challenge head on and detox for a bit, you’re head will be clearer and your body will feel better. I know I find times where I am drinking too much, wether I am unhappy or just working too much and unwinding more than I should every weekend, at some point I notice how it is affecting my everyday life and I reign it in and life starts to level out. Or it doesn’t but, I’m in a much better and healthier frame of mind to actually deal with it.
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Not looking to pry but, this almost sounds like this is something more recent? Maybe something to do with your absence from this place? Or is it some from further back and I’m just misreading it?
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