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Hall of Classics>I'm on a mission to shit
Hammock Parties 11:46 AM 05-19-2014
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
[Reply]
Stanley Nickels 09:33 PM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by Count Zarth:
Just ate bean soup. My guts are gurglin' and quiverin' like a virgin on prom night.

[Reply]
Hammock Parties 10:06 PM 05-20-2014
#4 was a massive gas explosion with a tiny, solid chunk of excrement.

Kinda fun. I'd pay for a predator-vision replay of that shit. It honestly felt fucking HUGE. But it was just the gas.


[Reply]
Hammock Parties 10:11 PM 05-20-2014
5 total bowel movements over six days. I think I'm caught up now? Can it be not shitting time for awhile, Lord?
[Reply]
BigRedChief 10:13 PM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by htismaqe:
That's it.
This thread merit Hall of Classics consideration yet?

If not why not, it has all the key pieces that make a thread hall worthy.
[Reply]
TribalElder 05:16 AM 05-21-2014
The thread is kind of shitty, that's why :-)
[Reply]
bevischief 05:18 AM 05-21-2014
Originally Posted by Count Zarth:
Just ate bean soup. My guts are gurglin' and quiverin' like a virgin on prom night.
Teaspoon of baking soda takes cares of the gas.
[Reply]
penguinz 06:44 AM 05-21-2014
Originally Posted by Mosbonian:
I can help you test the theory....

Go to Wal-Mart and buy the already prepared 2 liter bottle of Grape Kool-Aid. Spend the next 2 days drinking nothing but that with your meals.

You will spend the next 2 days wondering if all you ate was lettuce and broccoli.
Only two litres of fluids in two days? That is less than you should have in a day even if you are not active.
[Reply]
htismaqe 06:52 AM 05-21-2014
Originally Posted by bevischief:
Teaspoon of baking soda takes cares of the gas.
If he's suffering from excessive acid, eating baking soda will create excess gas.
[Reply]
Dave Lane 07:41 AM 05-21-2014
Originally Posted by eDave:
Grape soda?
Purple drank...
[Reply]
Pasta Giant Meatball 07:54 AM 05-21-2014
Should have left to go take a dump during speed dating
[Reply]
Hammock Parties 08:12 AM 05-21-2014
Originally Posted by htismaqe:
If he's suffering from excessive acid, eating baking soda will create excess gas.
What are you a fucking chemist?
[Reply]
Pasta Giant Meatball 08:15 AM 05-21-2014
Originally Posted by Count Zarth:
What are you a fucking chemist?
Pothead :-)
[Reply]
htismaqe 08:50 AM 05-21-2014
Originally Posted by PGM:
Pothead :-)
Same thing, right?
[Reply]
CleveSteve 11:13 AM 05-21-2014
Thank you to all the participants of this thread. My fav CP thread since "Draw something fast" and the diarrhea elephant.
[Reply]
htismaqe 11:14 AM 05-21-2014
Originally Posted by CleveSteve:
Thank you to all the participants of this thread. My fav CP thread since "Draw something fast" and the diarrhea elephant.
We aim to please.
[Reply]
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