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Hall of Classics>I'm on a mission to shit
Hammock Parties 11:46 AM 05-19-2014
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
[Reply]
salame 03:01 PM 05-20-2014
taco bell usually does it for me
[Reply]
GordonGekko 03:22 PM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by salame:
taco bell usually does it for me
Taco Bell is easily the cheapest enima you can buy. A couple $.89 burritos and you will be dropping napalm in under 30 mins.
[Reply]
Rams Fan 04:01 PM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by Count Zarth:
This was again explosive, wet and a powerful shock to my recently evacuated bowels. The formation resembled the Philippines.
This is the first post I've laughed at on CP in a long time.
[Reply]
Hammock Parties 04:05 PM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by Rams Fan:
This is the first post I've laughed at on CP in a long time.

[Reply]
Rams Fan 04:06 PM 05-20-2014
How are you not dehydrated?
[Reply]
Hammock Parties 04:08 PM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by Rams Fan:
How are you not dehydrated?
I'm very dehydrated.
[Reply]
Rams Fan 04:12 PM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by Count Zarth:
I'm very dehydrated.
You need to drink quite a large amount of water then. You need to be pissing colorless urine to go along with your cataclysmic shits.
[Reply]
htismaqe 04:15 PM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by Count Zarth:
I'm very dehydrated.
You need to drink lots of water. Dehydration + pain killers = big problems.
[Reply]
Hammock Parties 04:16 PM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by htismaqe:
You need to drink lots of water. Dehydration + pain killers = big problems.
I've been drinking all day. Just had some pedialyte actually.
[Reply]
htismaqe 04:18 PM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by Count Zarth:
I've been drinking all day. Just had some pedialyte actually.
That's good.
[Reply]
TribalElder 04:21 PM 05-20-2014
The mathematician worked it out using a #2 pencil

http://ratemypoo.com
[Reply]
bevischief 04:28 PM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by Count Zarth:
Afternoon update: Almost entirely without warning, a fecal slurry ejects itself from my rectum. I now must treat every quiver of my lower intestine as a possible warning sign of explosive diarrhea. Htismaqe officially added to my list of "People to Kill."

Side note: I haven't shat thrice in one day in a long time.
:-)
[Reply]
jerryforeverrice80 06:34 PM 05-20-2014
im suprise he was bond up with all the crap that comes out his mouth.
[Reply]
LoneWolf 06:40 PM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by TribalElder:
The mathematician worked it out using a #2 pencil

http://ratemypoo.com
I don't even want to know how you found that site you sick fuck, but i laughed my ass off. Go to the staff favorites and check out The Torcher.
[Reply]
Hammock Parties 09:09 PM 05-20-2014
Just ate bean soup. My guts are gurglin' and quiverin' like a virgin on prom night.
[Reply]
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