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Hall of Classics>The Declaration Of Independence, MO - The People vs. Matthew Gus Brennan Cassel
Hammock Parties 02:57 AM 07-21-2012
The Declaration Of Independence, MO


The People vs. Matthew Gus Brennan Cassel


When in the course of football events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the fandom bands which have connected them with a Quarterback, and to assume among the Powers of the NFL, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Football and of the NFL's Goodell entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Quarterbacks are not created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain Unalienable Talents, that among these are Arm Strength, Accuracy and the Pursuit of Championships.

That to secure these talents, Quarterbacks are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the Consent of the Fanbase, That whenever any Form of Quarterback becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Quarterbacks, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Attendance At Arrowhead and Hope For A Championship.

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Quarterbacks Long Established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably The Same Offense evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to Throw Off Such Quarterbacks, and to provide new Guards (however, neither left nor right) for their Future Rooting Interests.

Such has been the patient sufferance of these Chiefs Fans; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Offense. The history of the present Quarterback is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an Absolute Run-First Offense over the State of Missouri.


To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.


Cassel 3:16


Spoiler!


Playoff Teams Beat Cassel At An Alarming Rate


Spoiler!


Winning Teams Beat Cassel At An Alarming Rate


Spoiler!


Cassel Lacks Deep Passing Ability


Spoiler!


Cassel Makes Offensive Linemen Worse


Spoiler!


Cassel Struggles Against Good Defenses At An Alarming Rate


Spoiler!


Cassel Struggles Against Elite Quarterbacks At An Alarming Rate


Spoiler!



We, therefore, the Representatives of the United States of Chiefs Fans, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme GM of Arrowhead for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Chiefs, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Chiefs fans are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent of Matthew Gus Brennan Cassel.

That they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the Patriot Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of New England, is and ought to be totally dissolved.

And that as Free and Independent Chiefs Fans, they have full Power to levy Boos, conclude Peace, contract Alliances with Dwayne Bowe, establish Commerce with Top Five Picks, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Fans may of right do.

And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Playoff Fortunes and our Sacred Fandom.


SIGN BELOW


This post made possible by SNR, Coogs and
The Gang Of 14.
Statistics compiled by ESPN, PFF and PFR

Dedicated to 'Hamas' Jenkins, our Patrick Henry, who said "Give Me Sanchez, Or Give Me Death."









For further details, please review
The Pioli Facts.

The Declaration has been updated with statistics from 2012 and FINALIZED. Remove Matt Cassel from Kansas City. FOREVER.

[Reply]
Window Licking Whiner 11:41 AM 07-21-2012
http://www.facebook.com/KansasCityChiefs

Yes I did post a link to this on the Chiefs FB page in a comment...yes!
[Reply]
Fat Elvis 11:45 AM 07-21-2012
Originally Posted by Toad King:
Our Benedict Arnold.
Except the real Benedict Arnold was rather brilliant....
[Reply]
Detoxing 11:49 AM 07-21-2012
Creative im sure, and probably needed. But....

tl;dr
[Reply]
Hammock Parties 12:02 PM 07-21-2012
Originally Posted by Detoxing:
Creative im sure, and probably needed. But....

tl;dr
Cliffs:

Originally Posted by :
The People vs. Matthew Gus Brennan Cassel

In an NFL that is classified as a passing first league, he is 3-16 when we put the ball in the air more than we run it.

Cassel has a career winning percentage of .1875 against playoff teams (3-13), and is 1-9 as Chiefs quarterback.

Against playoff teams, for his Chiefs career, Cassel averages 148.5 yards passing per game.

Cassel has a career winning percentage of 0.277 against winning teams (5-13). He is 2-8 as Chiefs quarterback against winning teams.

During Gus Cassel's BEST SEASON (2010) he posted a lower deep completion percentage than 2011 Tim Tebow. He has completed 25.7 percent of his passes over 20 yards for his career.

During 2008, Cassel was sacked once every 11 pass attempts. Behind the exact same line Tom Brady was sacked once every 35 attempts. Cassel was also sacked once every 12 attempts behind the 5th rated pass blocking line in Kansas City.

Cassel has a 5-8 record against top 10 defenses and averages 189 yards per game with a TD/INT ratio of 10/13. His teams average 16.6 offensive points per game. His Chiefs teams average 12 offensive points per game.

Cassel has a 3-12 record against Philip Rivers, Peyton Manning, Ben Roethlisberger, Eli Manning, Tony Romo, Matt Schaub, Joe Flacco and Matthew Stafford. In these 15 games, his teams have averaged 14.4 offensive points per game.

[Reply]
Bowser 12:06 PM 07-21-2012
Originally Posted by Toad King:
Cliffs:

[Reply]
wazu 12:17 PM 07-21-2012
Originally Posted by Fat Elvis:
Except the real Benedict Arnold was rather brilliant....
Benedict Arnold >>> L.A. Chieffan

Arnold won us Saratoga, which brought the French into the war, which ultimately led to victory. And his one attempt at betrayal completely failed.

L.A. Chieffan has contributed nothing, but comes to this site and betrays us every day.
[Reply]
BoneKrusher 01:01 PM 07-21-2012
how could anyone watch this dude play and still defend him as our starter?
[Reply]
Deberg_1990 01:09 PM 07-21-2012
Originally Posted by |Zach|:
Holy shit you have no life.
:-)


My first thought as well
[Reply]
Reaper16 01:11 PM 07-21-2012
Tremendous.
[Reply]
OnTheWarpath15 01:19 PM 07-21-2012

[Reply]
Dante84 01:22 PM 07-21-2012
Sticky, please.
[Reply]
qabbaan 01:23 PM 07-21-2012
Reaction to whomever wrote the OP

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsv0GGattHE
[Reply]
milkman 01:27 PM 07-21-2012
The whole Declaration of Independence, Mo. delivery is a pretty stupid idea.

It takes away from the real meat of the post.
[Reply]
notorious 01:27 PM 07-21-2012
Clay, although your work is wonderful, when I opened the thread I had the same reaction as I would opening a newspaper with the headline reading "Water is Wet".
[Reply]
GloryDayz 01:28 PM 07-21-2012
Originally Posted by gblowfish:
Leave my hometown OUTTA this. Assholes!
Hey....cool, you get to stay a fan either way then!
[Reply]
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