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Hall of Classics>101 random roasts by misc Roastmasters - Thread #2
Pasta Little Brioni 03:00 PM 05-20-2013
As a spinoff to the successful NFL Network's version of this and from the drama thread, it has come to fruition that this thread must be created.

Each day Hootie will reveal a member starting with 101 and working his way in order to number 1. I will update the OP as I see the names revealed.

*Warning this thread may cause a severe case of butthurt*

Let it begin!!

Hootie's List

Saul Good - A little about Roaster #2 (by frazod)
Spoiler!

85 BigRedChief
Spoiler!


84. StevieRay
Spoiler!


83. Rustshack
Spoiler!


82. KCnative
Spoiler!


81. Notorious
Spoiler!


80. Braincase
Spoiler!


79. big nasty kcnut
Spoiler!


78. crazycoffey
Spoiler!



77. Phobia

Spoiler!


76 Dave Lane

Spoiler!


75 KnowMo roasted by PGM
Spoiler!


74 Luv roasted by Mr. Flopnuts
Spoiler!


73. Mr Flopnuts
(by Iowanian)
Spoiler!


72. patteeu (by frazod)
Spoiler!


71. Bob Dole
Spoiler!

70. Sweet Daddy Hate/Raised On Riots/Darth CarlSatan (roasted by Clay)
Spoiler!

69.Setsuna (by rico)
Spoiler!

68. Burt (by J Diddy)
Spoiler!


67. petez28 (by PGM)
Spoiler!

[Reply]
NewChief 03:46 PM 06-26-2013
Ahh, nothing like losing the moral high ground to Hootie. It takes skill.
[Reply]
Phobia 03:46 PM 06-26-2013
Originally Posted by Sorter:
Fair enough.
Not really. Now I really am being a big meanie.
[Reply]
Saul Good 03:47 PM 06-26-2013
71. Bob Dole

To be perfectly honest, I'm not entirely sure that Bob actually exists. Sure, I've seen pictures of him, and I've heard people tell stories about seeing him in person...but I've seen pictures and heard stories about The Loch Ness Monster and Chupacabra as well. Frankly, the pictures and stories of him aren't that dissimilar to those of Bigfoot, so I remain skeptical.

When Bob was still a young schoolboy...shortly after the Treaty of Versailles was signed to end the Great War...he set out to make some friends. The popular kids played football, but Bobby was far too frail for such hurly-burly. He blamed his feebleness on polio, but the truth is...he was just a little bitch. That option being off the table, he did the next closest thing. He became a male cheerleader. Even in the dust-bowl days, it was pretty pathetic. I mean, he wasn't even one of the strong male cheerleaders who got to touch the girls' asses. He was more the "Rah Rah Rah, Sis Boom Bah" type. Unfortunately for little Bobby D, his cracking voice sounded even worse through a megaphone. Disappointed, but not discouraged, he turned in his sweater and joined the band and found his true calling.

He still had no discernible talent, but the victrolas used in those days weren't exactly high fidelity, so his shortcomings were less noticeable. Eventually, he got a full-time gig in Show Biz...as a member of the Rock-afire Explosion. It wasn't exactly Fibber McGee and Molly, but it beat working in the mines for two bits an hour, so he stuck it out for decades before ultimately being replaced by an automatonic Bear named Billy Bob.

Older, but wiser, he decided to start his own band. He went to his old high school's Battle of the Bands competition where he recruited new members by playing up his ability to buy beer for the band (a huge selling point for young teens) and get senior discounts at the Black Eyed Pea (less of a factor in their decision). Bob Dole was back.

Unfortunately for Bob and the rest of the band, this was back when MTV still played videos, and this radio star was the first casualty. It wasn't all bad, though. He did have a slight brush with fame when his song "Get Out of My Yard, Get Off of My Lawn" was overheard by a young Billy Ocean who later popularized a slightly re-branded version. Bob still receives royalty checks...and Social Security checks.

Pros: Voted for FDR four times. Invented the Hot Toddy

Cons: Still uses an old Sears catalog as spank material because he swears he saw a nipple showing through one of the lacier bras. (Bob...I know what you think you saw, but trust me on this one. The "red spot" you saw is simply an imperfection in the paper...not a nipple. I know this to be true because it's a black and white catalog). Eats dinner at 2 PM before leaving dimes as a tip.

Outlook for 2014: Falls. Can't get up.
[Reply]
Sorter 03:50 PM 06-26-2013
Originally Posted by Saul Good:
71. Bob Dole

To be perfectly honest, I'm not entirely sure that Bob actually exists. Sure, I've seen pictures of him, and I've heard people tell stories about seeing him in person...but I've seen pictures and heard stories about The Loch Ness Monster and Chupacabra as well. Frankly, the pictures and stories of him aren't that dissimilar to those of Bigfoot, so I remain skeptical.

When Bob was still a young schoolboy...shortly after the Treaty of Versailles was signed to end the Great War...he set out to make some friends. The popular kids played football, but Bobby was far too frail for such hurly-burly. He blamed his feebleness on polio, but the truth is...he was just a little bitch. That option being off the table, he did the next closest thing. He became a male cheerleader. Even in the dust-bowl days, it was pretty pathetic. I mean, he wasn't even one of the strong male cheerleaders who got to touch the girls' asses. He was more the "Rah Rah Rah, Sis Boom Bah" type. Unfortunately for little Bobby D, his cracking voice sounded even worse through a megaphone. Disappointed, but not discouraged, he turned in his sweater and joined the band and found his true calling.

He still had no discernible talent, but the victrolas used in those days weren't exactly high fidelity, so his shortcomings were less noticeable. Eventually, he got a full-time gig in Show Biz...as a member of the Rock-afire Explosion. It wasn't exactly Fibber McGee and Molly, but it beat working in the mines for two bits an hour, so he stuck it out for decades before ultimately being replaced by an automatonic Bear named Billy Bob.

Older, but wiser, he decided to start his own band. He went to his old high school's Battle of the Bands competition where he recruited new members by playing up his ability to buy beer for band (a huge selling point for young teens) and get senior discounts at the Black Eyed Pea (less of a factor in their decision). Bob Dole was back.

Unfortunately for Bob and the rest of the band, this was back when MTV still played videos, and this radio star was the first casualty. It wasn't all bad, though. He did have a slight brush with fame when his song "Get Out of My Yard, Get Off of My Lawn" was overheard by a young Billy Ocean who later popularized a slightly re-branded version. Bob still receives royalty checks...and Social Security checks.

Pros: Voted for FDR four times. Invented the Hot Toddy

Cons: Still uses an old Sears catalog as spank material because he swears he saw a nipple showing through one of the lacier bras. (Bob...I know what you think you saw, but trust me on this one. The "red spot" you saw is simply an imperfection in the paper...not a nipple. I know this to be true because it's a black and white catalog). Eats dinner at 2 PM before leaving dimes as a tip.

Outlook for 2014: Falls. Can't get up.
Horrible.

Bob Dole is a saint.
[Reply]
Dayze 03:50 PM 06-26-2013
"Voted for FDR Four Times" :-)
[Reply]
Sorter 03:50 PM 06-26-2013
Originally Posted by Phobia:
Not really. Now I really am being a big meanie.
I'm sure he'll survive.

If not, then I suppose the world is saved from him procreating.
[Reply]
Frazod 03:52 PM 06-26-2013
Originally Posted by Saul Good:
71. Bob Dole

To be perfectly honest, I'm not entirely sure that Bob actually exists. Sure, I've seen pictures of him, and I've heard people tell stories about seeing him in person...but I've seen pictures and heard stories about The Loch Ness Monster and Chupacabra as well. Frankly, the pictures and stories of him aren't that dissimilar to those of Bigfoot, so I remain skeptical.

When Bob was still a young schoolboy...shortly after the Treaty of Versailles was signed to end the Great War...he set out to make some friends. The popular kids played football, but Bobby was far too frail for such hurly-burly. He blamed his feebleness on polio, but the truth is...he was just a little bitch. That option being off the table, he did the next closest thing. He became a male cheerleader. Even in the dust-bowl days, it was pretty pathetic. I mean, he wasn't even one of the strong male cheerleaders who got to touch the girls' asses. He was more the "Rah Rah Rah, Sis Boom Bah" type. Unfortunately for little Bobby D, his cracking voice sounded even worse through a megaphone. Disappointed, but not discouraged, he turned in his sweater and joined the band and found his true calling.

He still had no discernible talent, but the victrolas used in those days weren't exactly high fidelity, so his shortcomings were less noticeable. Eventually, he got a full-time gig in Show Biz...as a member of the Rock-afire Explosion. It wasn't exactly Fibber McGee and Molly, but it beat working in the mines for two bits an hour, so he stuck it out for decades before ultimately being replaced by an automatonic Bear named Billy Bob.

Older, but wiser, he decided to start his own band. He went to his old high school's Battle of the Bands competition where he recruited new members by playing up his ability to buy beer for band (a huge selling point for young teens) and get senior discounts at the Black Eyed Pea (less of a factor in their decision). Bob Dole was back.

Unfortunately for Bob and the rest of the band, this was back when MTV still played videos, and this radio star was the first casualty. It wasn't all bad, though. He did have a slight brush with fame when his song "Get Out of My Yard, Get Off of My Lawn" was overheard by a young Billy Ocean who later popularized a slightly re-branded version. Bob still receives royalty checks...and Social Security checks.

Pros: Voted for FDR four times. Invented the Hot Toddy

Cons: Still uses an old Sears catalog as spank material because he swears he saw a nipple showing through one of the lacier bras. (Bob...I know what you think you saw, but trust me on this one. The "red spot" you saw is simply an imperfection in the paper...not a nipple. I know this to be true because it's a black and white catalog). Eats dinner at 2 PM before leaving dimes as a tip.

Outlook for 2014: Falls. Can't get up.
And you thought my patteeu roast was lame? :-)
[Reply]
Phobia 03:52 PM 06-26-2013
Bob Dole is entertaining. He'll get a kick out of him when somebody reads that to him.
[Reply]
LoneWolf 03:52 PM 06-26-2013
Saul you have a talent for this that is unmatched on this board. Kudos, sir.
[Reply]
Frazod 03:53 PM 06-26-2013
Originally Posted by Sorter:
I'm sure he'll survive.

If not, then I suppose the world is saved from him procreating.
Assuming he hasn't already.
[Reply]
rico 03:56 PM 06-26-2013
Originally Posted by loochy:
GOOD LORD THAT WAS LONG
thats what she said

but no, even though it was all hootie focused, it was too long
Can't help it loochay. I am the anti-Donger.


Originally Posted by Phobia:
tl;dr
Yeah-yeah;yeah-yeah-yeah

Originally Posted by J Diddy:
could I get you to spoiler tag that so I don't have to scroll 3 pages please.
I don't know how.

Originally Posted by Donger:
Why did you bold the semicolons?
Haha, you caught that? That's funny that you noticed that. Great, now I'm beginning to like you. I didn't want the "H's" all running together.

Originally Posted by cosmo20002:
OMG

I'm going to have to schedule a time on my Outlook calendar to get through this. Cancel my meetings today--Rico posted something!
Definitely...what I posted is VITAL information.
[Reply]
Donger 03:57 PM 06-26-2013
Originally Posted by rico:
Haha, you caught that? That's funny that you noticed that. Great, now I'm beginning to like you. I didn't want the "H's" all running together.
It's the only thing I noticed, to be honest.
[Reply]
rico 04:00 PM 06-26-2013
Originally Posted by Donger:
It's the only thing I noticed, to be honest.
Haha, oh. FUCK YOU, DONGER!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!

















jk.
[Reply]
COchief 04:02 PM 06-26-2013
It's getting pretty weak in here gentlemen... you know when Iowanian jumps in to try and help the ship from sinking things are getting tough.

Rico (who is this? the new "fax"?)
I read about 10% of each of your hootie roasts including the one that had like a 10 page buildup. You are absolutely terrible at these and should never do one again, your first slam was "hurr u gay sidecar-ed by a 20 year old Seinfeld joke". Just stop it please, your horde of fax-like ball lickers is warping your brain, much like Bieber fans have him believing he is a once in a generation musical talent, he's not (sorry) and neither are you when it comes to comedy.

Luv, Knowmo, and Bob Dole should have been easy homeruns for any long-time member, alas they did not meet expectations.

Is there an official list with the posters and numbers, or is everyone just picking at random? This is starting to piss me off, if I see a name I "like" I may have to jump in.
[Reply]
rico 04:03 PM 06-26-2013
I liked the Bob Dole roast.

Did any other n00bs get the "pm Bob Dole, he'll be happy to answer your question" treatment whenever you asked a question? If so, how'd it go? I always wondered about the joke behind that.
[Reply]
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