A rousing chorus of Hail To The Chief rings out over the loudspeakers, and out onto the stage comes former President Bill Clinton, accompanying the song on his saxophone.



"Hello, America!" he says. "It's time to bring Washington back to the front of the nation. And to do that, you need strength up front. Someone that you can put out on an island, but, uh, not Epstein's Island. I know nothing about that. Anyway, strength up front is what we're going to do right now!

"The Washington Commanders select Jordan Morgan, OT, Arizona."

Not realizing that he has a hot mic, he then turns to Goodell and says, "Hey, remember that cheerleader who made our first pick? Do you know where she's at now?"

Bill then leaves the stage and can be seen later making small talk with some of his special VIP guests.


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Bill's friend Ghislaine lets the Chargers know that they're on the clock. Then she invites them to a party.
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Jim Harbaugh returns to the stage, now wearing a tasteful golf polo with his khakis.

"Boy, talk about blasts from the past! What an act to follow. You know, here in San Diego we'ere turning back the clock. We are going to have a big, strong, tough football team that runs the ball, stops the run, and is prepared to win weather-aided playoff games 12-9 when the other team's QB throws 3 interceptions and their kicker chokes like Ryan Day when he realizes the talent Urbie left him is all gone and there is a new sheriff in town.

And the best way to do that? WE NEED MORE MICHIGAN MEN. Big, strong, tough guys who kill the weight room all week and their opponents on Sundays.

The Los Angeles Chargers select Kris Jenkins, DT, Michigan.
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Such a Harbaugh/Ravens player, so very fitting.
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After drafting Malik Nabers the Titans GM got pouty because he really wanted Calvin Ridley both on the field and off. Daddy opened up his wallet and signed him.

Titans get their franchise tackle with this pick. The question will be who's throwing the balls? Will it be Levis? Tannehill or racist Rudolph? Won't matter because this will be a fun offense.


The Tennessee Titans Select: Kingsley Suamataia, OT, BYU
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Can someone message Couch Potato Im mobile
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Got it.
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Giants selects Ja'Tavion Sanders, TE, TX
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The Commanders were really split on drafting Morgan or Suamataia. In fact, we were hoping that Suamataia would be available in a couple of picks so we could draft bookend tackles for our shiny new quarterback.
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With Hollywood signed now, that Latham pick looks even better, probably even ideal.
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Yes, this indeed worked out perfectly. It would have been a little annoying if they agreed to terms with a veteran tackle instead.

Latham would have been an even easier decision if the Brown news dropped ~6 hours earlier.
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Hail to the Chief plays again, and the crowd stands up for an ovation.

Former President and Liberator of Europe Dwight D. Eisenhower takes the stage.



He acknowledges the ovation, and then gets right down to business.

"We learned in World War II a valuable lesson, and it still applies today. To secure victory, you must take the war to the enemy and you must seize their capital and their resources. In football, that means that you have to relentlessly pursue the quarterback. When the quarterback goes down, the enemy's war effort stops. In order to pursue that aim...

"The Washington Commanders select Chris Braswell, DE, Alabama."

He points to a map. "Now let's go take the war to those b*****ds in Dallas and Philadelphia and New York."


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You can accuse me of only drafting players on the CP drafturbator radar, but this is honestly a good spot for him. Sooooo....

Green Bay selects Ladd McConkey, WR, Georgia
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He would have been my pick at 32 if I went WR
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Reviewing the 1st round, I think the ordering is a little unrealistic but there are maybe only 2 guys that I think probably aren't likely to be first rounders in there.

I think both JPJ and Latham go much earlier, Barton might be a first rounder too.

I can basically see there being an acceptable tackle OR WR prospect there for the Chiefs at 32 though, based on this. I think we could be screaming for a small trade up on draft night to get to ~27 or somewhere around there
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