Ten Things About Last Nights Game Week 15: KC 28 LAC 29

10. Like the last game against the Ravens, feel free to describe last night’s game with your favorite “OUS” word: Hideous, Ridiculous, Ruinous, Horrendous… take your pick. For you younger guys who are in your twenties, us older Chiefs fans have lived through this so many times that it is what defines our experience as “Long Suffering Chiefs fans.” I made that Bataan death march from my seats to the parking lot once again, with that old familiar loser stench, the Lucy pulling the football away cruelty; the “Why did I just pay $400 to sit in the cold and have my heart ripped out again?” feeling. The Chiefs are the undisputed Picasso of Failure. The Beethoven of Disappointment. The Rembrandt of the Rochambeau. If there is a unique and rare way to blow a game, the Chiefs will surely cook it up and serve it like a gourmet buffet of sadness. By the time I got home and got peeled out of my multiple layers of long johns and sweatshirts, it was after Midnight. Instead of spewing pages of ‘FIRE BOB SUTTON FIRST THING FRIDAY MORNING” like Jack Nicholson writing “All Work and No Play Makes Jack a Dull Boy” over and over and over in The Shining, I decided to further debase and injure myself before bedtime. I chose not to write the Ten Things. I didn’t cut myself, but I did eat a nasty microwave burrito and then got into bed. Now here at work (yes, I’m trying to write this and work at the same time) I think my head is a little clearer and we can talk (not exactly objectively) about this gosh darned disappointing loss. Take a deep breath, and here we go:

9. I used to call the Chiefs “the Chicago Cubs of the NFL.” I can’t do that any more, because the Cubs have actually won a Worlds Championship in the last 50 years. The Chiefs now stand on their own as kings of failure. They are the French Army of professional sports. Look at it this way: The Super Bowl has been played for just over 50 years. The Chiefs have won once. 32 teams in the league, they’ve won once. That means since 1967, since they’ve been doling out Lombardi Trophies, the Chiefs have won 2% of the time, and failed 98% of the time. Only the Lions have been worse. So where does all this “storied franchise” and “Great Chiefs History” and “Chiefs Kingdom” crap come from? It’s no wonder every other team in the AFC West laughs at us. We’re pretty good at winning AFC West titles. So what? This team is a bunch of pants wetting surrender monkeys once the playoffs begin. The last time the Chiefs made it to an AFC Championship game was 25 freakin’ years ago. The conference championship trophy has LAMAR HUNT’s name on it, yet we’ve never won one, or even sniffed having a home game to play for it. As it’s been pointed out in other threads, Phyllis was a career 0-20 being down by 14 with five minutes left in his career. And with last night’s ref-influenced “miracle victory” now makes Phyllis 1-9 vs Kansas City in his last ten attempts. Congrats Phyllis. I hope Terrell Suggs pushes in your stool next week. Let’s just stop all this “Chiefs Kingdom” crap. If they’re going to sell out to Bud Light, let’s just re-name Arrowhead Stadium “The Pit of Misery” until at what time we actually win a home playoff game. Don’t see that happening anytime soon. You think any team is afraid of playing the Chiefs in Arrowhead in January? Ask the Colts. Ask the Ravens. Ask the Steelers. Ask the Titans. Last night was the 12 year anniversary of Lamar Hunt's passing. Tony G goes into the Hall of Honor. And this is what they serve us?

8. One thing I’ll say for the Bolts. They wanted this game a lot more than we did. They overcame a 14 point lead in the last five minutes. All other teams in the NFL this year were 0-88 in that situation. They won on a two point conversion with :10 or less left in regulation for the first time since Minnesota did it in 2002. They had the stones to go for the win, and we got Scandrick’ed. Yeah, it was a pick play, but if gets called as OPI you just kick the extra point and go in to overtime. Smart call by Phyllis.

7. So now as I double up on my blood pressure meds, if we try to be objective, we can say this: How many other teams in the league would love to be 11-3 at this juncture of the season? You can say, well, most all of them. Only problem is, we’ve seen this movie before. In 2003, great offense. No defense. Result? We lose a shootout in the no punt game to the Five Head at home. The thing that really gets me is, why can’t we have that one magical year where it all goes our way? Most teams that finish 13-3 or 12-4 get in the playoffs, kick ass at home, and make it to the Super Bowl. With the Chiefs it doesn’t matter. The better the regular season, the more of a probability they’re going to shit the bed in the first round. And it’s lining up perfectly again this year.

6. It’s not hard to understand why we find ourselves where we are. The team is 11-3, but most of us were expecting the team to be anywhere from 8-8 to 10-6 considering we were trotting basically a rookie QB out for his first full tour of duty. Mahomes has exceeded all expectations, and that’s why we are where we are. As we’ve gotten into the grind of December, he’s shown to be mortal the last few weeks. Yeah, he came up big last week vs. the Ravens. But in the fourth quarter when we needed to sustain a drive and burn clock, he couldn’t get it done. Not all his fault. Guys need to not jump offside, and the line needs to protect. Not blaming the offense for this loss. If you had to assign percentage of blame, it’s 95% on defense, 3% on special teams and 2% on offense. When you score 28 points at home and have a 14 point lead with five minutes left, you should win. Period. Special Teams were a mixed bag again this week. Buttkicker hit all his XPT. Smith sprung a 50 yards kickoff return, but offense went three and out and could do nothing with it. When Kansas City got the ball back once the Bolts pulled to 28-21, they had a block in the back penalty on the kickoff, putting the team right back in a hole. Then Harris jumps offsides in his home stadium, Mahomes gets sacked, we punt it away and give Phyllis a short field with the two minute warning and a time out to win it. And then… Grandpa Bob, come on down!

5. Andy Reid will not fire Grandpa Bob until after the season because he’s too cozy with his coaching staff. Grandpa Bob is the longest tenured DC in the NFL. Last night the defense had five sacks and two picks and lost. Kansas City should have had three picks, but Murray can’t catch a football, period. If we don’t sack the QB on a pass play, we absolutely cannot keep any team in the NFL from making first downs. The Bolts were 6-10 on third down and were awarded five first downs on penalties. Chiefs run defense gave up 119 total rushing yards to LA’s third string backs. Bolts fumbled twice and recovered both, so the ball was bouncing their way. Minnesota fired their OC John DeFilippo for incompetence and ruining their season. Green Bay whacked their head coach Mike McCarthy mid season after 13 years. Why? Because he was failing at his job. The Chiefs will sit on their hands and go down in flames again this year with Grandpa Bob. He’ll probably retire after this season after another messy, ugly defensive playoff collapse. The only way this would change is if CHunt forced Reid to make a change. That’s not going to happen because CHunt is a global shield guy. He cares most about the corporate NFL success. If the Chiefs win, great. Was the stadium full? How’s the TV revenue? Did Bud Light have a guy dressed up in the stands? Andy will stand up in front of the media and say “It’s my responsibility to fix it.” And he’ll say that every time we lose. This loss was just like the losses in December and January last year. At least this choke job wasn’t in an actual playoff game, but you can smell what Grandpa Bob is cooking.

4. The Chiefs are now officially the most penalized team in the NFL. They’ve been flagged 150 times in 14 games, including ten times at home in last night’s game. This is mainly a coaching and discipline problem, but it’s also a talent problem. Our offensive linemen hold because they’re getting beat on third down pass rush. Part of that is because both of our guards are second stringers, but guys like Morse and Schwartz had been getting beat lately. Our defensive backs are holding because they don’t have the talent to cover first line NFL receivers. Grandpa Bob’s defense gave up over six yards per play last night, and could not get Phyllis off the field. With the news that Kendall Fuller may have fractured his wrist, the secondary is going to get a lot worse. Scandrick is now your number one defensive back, and he sucks like a Hoover. Nelson, your number two guy, can’t cover either. Murray is awful. Berry made four tackles early, but got beat deep twice because he was a couple steps slow covering over the top. It was maddening to see him on the sideline in a stocking cap watching during that last five minutes. Why is he not in there when we need him most? He was not injured, and he’s the only big play threat we have in the defensive secondary. As exciting as it was when he came out to start the first series -Phyllis threw a pick on the second play from scrimmage- it was equally frustrating that he was not on the field when the defense needed him the most.

3. Andy Reid may be Marty all over again. Philly fans warned us about the heartbreak that follows Andy. I’m afraid we’re in for it again this year. Great regular season coach, but he’s had two of the most historic, worst choke jobs in modern playoff history vs. the Colts at Indy and vs. the Titans last year at Arrowhead. So I’ve resigned myself to not expect anything this year. Russell Wilson and Lockett will carve up our secondary in Seattle. We may beat the Raiders at home, maybe. Then after that, we limp into the playoffs and we’re most likely done. It’s the penalty we must pay for allowing Grandpa Bob this final farewell tour.

2. Silver linings from last night (happy thoughts!) The D&D Williams Bros played well. They had a combined 62 yards rushing and 93 yards receiving, which would have been about what we would have gotten from the kicker we cut after the bye week. Jones now has sacks in ten straight games, which is a great personal achievement. Tyreek was able to suck it up and play, even though he was clearly hobbled. Mahomes got through the game uninjured. It didn’t rain. That’s about it.

1. When I woke up this morning I looked out the window and it was a gray day. I sat down on the edge of the bed and just thought “I shouldn’t let the Chiefs affect my mood this much.” I’m trying to get better at that. Meesh Meesh the cat jumped up in my lap and gave me some head bonks. My wife gave me a kiss and told me she loved me as she left for work. So I got up and started my Friday. The NFL is an entertainment enterprise. They don’t promise a clean, honest contest, just an exhibition of football for your entertainment. After 50 years of failure, I’m trying not to take it personally. I know many of you will most likely blast me for being Debbie Downer with this Ten Things, but I just needed to vent. Thanks for letting me rant. Just don’t expect the rest of this year to be anything magical. The magic is played out.
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