Q: What's the difference between a bachelor and a husband?

A: A bachelor doesn't like what he sees in the kitchen and goes to bed. A husband doesn't like what he sees in bed and goes to the kitchen.
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:-)
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Oh Frankie, people in Iowa lead such sheltered lives...
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0436078/
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Two molecules were walking down the street and accidentally bumped into each other. The first molecule says, "I'm sorry, are you all right?" and the second one says "No, I lost an electron!" The first one says "Well, are you sure?" so the second one replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
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Oh, I'm so low down.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Yeah!

I used to go skateboarding, now I get raped without no warning.

I got the, "I'm in prison cause I did graffiti blues!"

If I had a time machine, I'd set it to before I did graffiti and I'd go back!

(I don't think y'all heard me)

I said, if I-I-I-I-I-I had a time machine, I'd set it to before I did graffiti and I'd go back!

Yeah!

I've been stabbed by a broken broom,

and jacked off on in the weight room,

and I'm hiding all my valuables up my crack!

Whooah, yeah, yeaaaaahhhhhh!!!


- Jonesy
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Thanks. Now I get it.
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:-)
Very clever. See what I mean? I want some jokes out of this thread that I can get around mom and her friends. Thanks.
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Wash your mouth (fingers?) and go to your room, Psicosis.
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OK, so the teacher says to little Johnny.....................and he says rats, great big f*cking rats with 12" dicks.
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What's the proper time for a dentist's appointment?

2:30.
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What's brown and sticky?

A stick.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up on it's own?


It's two tired.
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What has four wheels and flies?







Garbage truck.
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Why did Tigger have his head in the toilet?

He was looking for pooh.

(groan)
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So the these two dudes are lost at sea on a life boat, their water and dried fish are running out...they're just sitting there thinking about their demise when all of a sudden a fish jumps out of the water and lands in their life boat.

The men get a little excited since they'd be able to eat the fish, but then the fish says, "Please throw me back in the water and in return I'll grant you one wish," and who's not going to believe a talking a fish? So the first dude, without even thinking, says "OK, turn all the water in the oceans into beer" and throws the fish back in... then *POOF* and they're swimming in bear. The other guy looks at the first dude and says, shaking his head, "You f***ing idiot, where are we gonna piss now?"
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