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Hall of Classics>I'm on a mission to shit
Hammock Parties 11:46 AM 05-19-2014
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
[Reply]
J Diddy 01:24 PM 05-19-2014
After heart surgery it took me a week and some laxatives. It'll come and when it does it'll be glorious.
[Reply]
RaiderH8r 01:54 PM 05-19-2014
In the mean time, install a seat belt and handles on your shitter.
[Reply]
Fire Me Boy! 01:56 PM 05-19-2014
Originally Posted by htismaqe:
First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.

Yep.

Originally Posted by Count Zarth:
PREPARE FOR BATTLE
PREPARE TO LOSE.
[Reply]
booger 01:59 PM 05-19-2014
Claythanoscopy
[Reply]
RaiderH8r 02:11 PM 05-19-2014
Originally Posted by booger:
Claythanoscopy
He'll probe the hell out of 3 inches of rectum.
[Reply]
hometeam 02:11 PM 05-19-2014
Just think of how good its going to feel when it comes out -

I have attached a gif that I think is appropriate.



Thank you, gentleman, you may now return to your business.
[Reply]
booger 02:13 PM 05-19-2014
Originally Posted by RaiderH8r:
He'll probe the hell out of 3 inches of rectum.
:-)

That dirty butt pirate!
[Reply]
Marcellus 02:14 PM 05-19-2014
Just go buy a bag of those sugar free gummy bears. Problem solved.
[Reply]
Dayze 02:14 PM 05-19-2014
just don't get a prolapse.

(I looked that one up once on the internetz.....never again)
[Reply]
Hammock Parties 02:16 PM 05-19-2014
Update: 3:14 PM CDT

I continue to rip farts. Strangely, the beginning of each fart feels as if it might be the turd of destiny, that lets loose the tidal wave o shit....but I remain disappointed.

A courier has been dispatched to deliver this secret "magnesium" bomb. The Anus will not stand against this chemical warfare.
[Reply]
booger 02:16 PM 05-19-2014
Originally Posted by Dayze:
just don't get a prolapse.

(I looked that one up once on the internetz.....never again)
Rectum? Damn near turned em inside out!
[Reply]
Dayze 02:17 PM 05-19-2014
"wave o' shit".

I didn't realize you were Irish
[Reply]
Buck 02:18 PM 05-19-2014
Miralax
[Reply]
Dayze 02:19 PM 05-19-2014
once it's out, you should celebrate by eating a block of cheese.
[Reply]
booger 02:20 PM 05-19-2014
Get in the bathtub man gonna be shit everywhere
[Reply]
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