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Hall of Classics>I'm on a mission to shit
Hammock Parties 11:46 AM 05-19-2014
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
[Reply]
Why Not? 11:50 AM 05-19-2014
Sounds crappy
[Reply]
BlackHelicopters 11:50 AM 05-19-2014
Prayers sent.
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tooge 11:51 AM 05-19-2014
may the shartz be with you
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booger 11:51 AM 05-19-2014
Gonna have to try a plunger
[Reply]
Rain Man 11:51 AM 05-19-2014
You should check to be sure that they didn't accidentally sew your rectum shut.
[Reply]
Dartgod 11:51 AM 05-19-2014
Everyone knows you're full of shit.
[Reply]
htismaqe 11:52 AM 05-19-2014
First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.


[Reply]
Reerun_KC 11:52 AM 05-19-2014
Ask your boyfriend for help. Seriously surprised this would be an issue for you.
[Reply]
BryanBusby 11:53 AM 05-19-2014
Taco Bell

It has me shitting in no time.
[Reply]
Hammock Parties 11:55 AM 05-19-2014
Originally Posted by htismaqe:
Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.

PREPARE FOR BATTLE
[Reply]
RippedmyFlesh 11:56 AM 05-19-2014
Horrible feeling been there. Believe it or not an ER Dr recommended blueberry muffin from local chain. They were huge but did the job and tasted great. Do you drink coffee? Coffee and muffin is a sound play without bad side affects. For some reason Dr's are always less worried about this than patients.
[Reply]
Dante84 11:56 AM 05-19-2014
I wonder if your system will back up, and you'll shit out your mouth?
[Reply]
booger 11:57 AM 05-19-2014
Originally Posted by Rain Man:
You should check to be sure that they didn't accidentally sew your rectum shut.
He's gonna need a c section. It's gotta be breach by now
[Reply]
Dante84 11:58 AM 05-19-2014
Originally Posted by htismaqe:
First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.

That's not going to get him into a Boardwalk Empire situation, is it?

You know, the scene where the kid spikes the other kids drink with this stuff, then the kid shits blood and dies?
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