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Hall of Classics>I'm on a mission to shit
Hammock Parties 11:46 AM 05-19-2014
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
[Reply]
htismaqe 07:17 AM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by Count Zarth:
Spinach FTW!
Boo Berry cereal FTW!
[Reply]
htismaqe 07:19 AM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by Count Zarth:
As it turns out taking too many laxatives in a 48-hour period can lead to some stomach discomfort. Oy vey.
Just wait until you realize what magnesium citrate does AFTER you go.
[Reply]
Mosbonian 07:26 AM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by Bob Dole:
Or you are drinking too much grape soda...
Found this one out when I was a kid....scared the green crap out of me.
[Reply]
lcarus 07:32 AM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by Dayze:
why is the top of the turd folded over like a poop oragami?
It's from overuse of that hook shaped dildo he's been using to tickle his prostate. Damn it Clay. I told you that thing would make your poops looks weird.
[Reply]
okoye35chiefs 07:33 AM 05-20-2014
you should call it "casseling".....
[Reply]
gblowfish 08:42 AM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by Flybone McTimmerson:
God damn it. I can't believe I actually just saw a picture of Clay's shit.
You couldn't pay me enough to open that photo. No way.
[Reply]
htismaqe 08:43 AM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by gblowfish:
You couldn't pay me enough to open that photo. No way.
No kidding.

What did anybody think was going to be in that spoiler? Dumbshits. :-)
[Reply]
gblowfish 08:44 AM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by Buzz:
Look on the bright side, after wiping your bung hole raw and your finger pokes through the toilet paper you will no longer be a virgin.
Hershey Squirts leads to that debilitating, uncomfortable sensation known as "Tangy Asshole."
[Reply]
ThaVirus 08:47 AM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by eDave:
Grape soda?


Originally Posted by Bob Dole:
Or you are drinking too much grape soda...

Heh.

I thought these were black jokes until I read Mosbonian's post.
[Reply]
srvy 08:49 AM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by htismaqe:
No kidding.

What did anybody think was going to be in that spoiler? Dumbshits. :-)
Substitute the vomit for the turd and its somthing like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5betKv46GB4
[Reply]
Hammock Parties 09:23 AM 05-20-2014
I was rudely awakened at 2AM by a wet, explosive aftershock. Debris was small and scattered.

After a night of gurgly, fitful sleep, I broke my shitting fast about an hour ago. This was again explosive, wet and a powerful shock to my recently evacuated bowels. The formation resembled the Philippines.

I have since consumed two more pain pills. Will the cycle repeat itself? We will watch. And pray.
[Reply]
Hammock Parties 09:24 AM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by loochy:
That's actually not as bad as I expected. I bet it was the consistency of a piece of rebar though. Did you cry when it came out? How's your butt? Did it tear?
It was actually not painful at all. I've been downing stool softeners like M&Ms since Friday.
[Reply]
htismaqe 09:24 AM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by Count Zarth:
I was rudely awakened at 2AM by a wet, explosive aftershock. Debris was small and scattered.

After a night of gurgly, fitful sleep, I broke my shitting fast about an hour ago. This was again explosive, wet and a powerful shock to my recently evacuated bowels. The formation resembled the Philippines.

I have since consumed two more pain pills. Will the cycle repeat itself? We will watch. And pray.
The thing is, the saline solution will continue to draw water into the intestine even after it's empty.

Prepare to pass water several times before it's over.
[Reply]
Simply Red 09:25 AM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by Count Zarth:
It was actually not painful at all. I've been downing stool softeners like M&Ms since Friday.
pls airmail leftover pain pills ASAP.
[Reply]
Hammock Parties 09:28 AM 05-20-2014
Originally Posted by htismaqe:
The thing is, the saline solution will continue to draw water into the intestine even after it's empty.

Prepare to pass water several times before it's over.
I had two fried eggs, some baked beans and an apple for breakfast.

My soul is prepared.
[Reply]
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