https://local.theonion.com/man-s-lif...ocialMarketing
Originally Posted by :
CROTHERSVILLE, IN—.
Saying he sleepwalks through life until the next opportunity arises to savor tangy, slow-cooked meats, sources confirmed Tuesday local man Evan Demers spends his days occasionally eating barbecue in between doing things he hates.
“He works really long hours at a job he despises, constantly complains about his family, and doesn’t even seem to enjoy being around his friends—to be honest, the only time I’ve seen him satisfied is when there happens to be a slab of short ribs or a pulled pork sandwich in front of him,” longtime Demers acquaintance Russ Perkins said of the man who reportedly exists in a state of continuous irritability that is only interrupted at random intervals when, for a brief period, he is actively biting or chewing such food items as brisket, smoked chicken, baked beans, or cornbread.
“You can tell he’s just going through the motions of life and is pretty miserable. He did seem to snap out of it a little when that new barbecue place opened near his house a couple years back. It closed after a few months, though.”
At press time, reports stated that Demers was staring at an empty plate, licking the remnants of a vinegar-based sauce from his thumb, and trying to summon enough motivation to load the dishwasher.
[Reply]
Originally Posted by Rain Man:
My cleaning service has assigned a new maid to my house, and for some reason she keeps neatening up my nightstand against my wishes. She moves my spare glasses and the work expense receipts that are there because I need to take them to the office. And yesterday she took the earbuds out of my ipod, coiled them up, and moved them to another table. It's disrupting my routine.
It's enough to make a man cry, this type of crap
[Reply]
