So, I'm not really happy...on the surface things seem great, I have a decent job, Chiefs are kicking ass, I have a nice crib in the country, a couple cars, play some music on the weekends...
But I'm absolutely depressed. I miss my daughter, I miss my ex-girlfriend, Brittney...
I want to move to NY, but I have to wait for my job.
So, it seems like I'm stuck here, at least for a bit...
Not much is bringing me pleasure, I was so depressed today at work...I get weird thoughts, not like I want to hurt myself, but just...musings on the pointlessness of going to work every single day, just to pay to exist, just to really pay for the kid that I never see...
I'm actually pretty damn lonely, even in a roomful of people.
No, it was a while back. I 'dropped off' after I had a stroke and lost a lot of memory. Nobody said life was easy. But it's the only one we get, so we do the best we can. [Reply]
Originally Posted by BigOlChiefsfan:
No, it was a while back. I 'dropped off' after I had a stroke and lost a lot of memory. Nobody said life was easy. But it's the only one we get, so we do the best we can.
Oh, well shit, that’s even worse. But thankfully, you are still/back with us, and hopefully recovering and getting along alright. [Reply]
If you spend time thinking about the past and mistakes you have made (real or imagined), it will depress you. If you spend time thinking about the future and what can go wrong, it will make you anxious. You have the ability to choose what you think about.
I found out that a woman I was with for 13 years died recently. It hit me really hard and I found myself thinking if only I had done x, then y would have happened. The past is past, the future isn't written. You only have now and you get to make it what you want it to be. [Reply]
Originally Posted by Raiderhader:
Oh, well shit, that’s even worse. But thankfully, you are still/back with us, and hopefully recovering and getting along alright.
The doc recently diagnosed me with epilepsy - which explains several 'episodes' over the years - catotonic 'fits', can't move, can't talk. No fun at all. The new meds for this stuff has really done me a world of good - no more fits, and my thinking has cleared up a lot.
That whole 'stoic' mindset mentioned above helps me as well. On the plus side, I quit smoking 2 packs a day - but gained 100 lbs in the process. I've knuckled down and lost 95 lbs and pretty close to my weight loss goal + still breathing. COPD from the cigs - but the weight loss really helped with this nonsense. I'm probably getting along better than I deserve to. I try to pass 'good vibes' along when I can. Do a good deed, don't look for a 'payback'. Just do the right thing - because it's the right thing. Teach a kid to fly fish, we need more flyfishermen. Teach someone to shoot a pistol, a .22 rifle. We need more folks not afraid of gangbangers because we shoot better than those yokels do. Show someone how to get a knife 'razor sharp'. Nobody bothers to do that sort of thing these days, but a dull knife is still a danger to all of us.
Originally Posted by Bowser:
You have to work really hard at not living in the past. Don't play the "what if" game - all that does is open the door for you to kick your own ass and have really shitty inner dialogue. Control that which you can control. Focus on getting out and moving. Take ClevelandBronco's advice. Profit.
If you need to talk, feel free to PM me any time.
This was great advice bud, thanks for sharing that. [Reply]