Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them.
Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts. [Reply]
Originally Posted by Otter:
Me and Iowanian are out walking around hunting when we come across a sheep with his head caught in a fence. I run up, pull down my pants and screw the sheep.
When I'm done I look over at Iowanian and say "your turn".
Next thing I know Iowanian throws down his gun, runs up, pulls down his pants and sticks his head in the fence.
Funny, but shoulda been posted in the "Friday goof off" thread not in the "CLEAN" jokes thread. [Reply]
Originally Posted by Otter:
Me and Iowanian are out walking around hunting when we come across a sheep with his head caught in a fence. I run up, pull down my pants and screw the sheep.
When I'm done I look over at Iowanian and say "your turn".
Next thing I know Iowanian throws down his gun, runs up, pulls down his pants and sticks his head in the fence.
Originally Posted by Frankie:
That one sounds a little home-made.
I'm sure I didn't word it exactly how it was, but a history professor I had was full of crap like these... for some reason this is the only one I remember though. [Reply]
Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and
falling to sleep.
All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe
standing in front of his bed.
"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he
asked.
"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and
you are in heaven."
"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too
young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."
"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog
or a hen. The choice is your own."
Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is
too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around
with a rooster can't be that bad.
"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.
And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken housen, really nicely
feathered.
But for some reason he felt like his rear end was gonna explode.
Then along came the rooster. "Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told
me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?"
"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my butt is about to explode."
"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need
to lay an egg."
"How do I do that?" Tom asked. "Cluck twice, and then you push all
you can."
Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then
'plop' an egg was on the ground.
"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!"
So he clucked again and squeezed.
And you better believe it, there was yet another egg on the ground.
The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:
"Tom, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You've crapped in the bed.....!!! [Reply]
A woman's car breaks down on the highway, so she eases over on to the shoulder. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the hood.
Out of the back seat jump two men in trench coats, who walk to the rear of the vehicle. They stand facing on-coming traffic, open their coats and expose themselves to approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, a traffic tie-up occurs. It's not very long before a police car shows up.
The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the driver of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the hell is going on here?"
"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.
"Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?" screams the cop.
"Oh, I HAVE read auto safety books, you know." replies the blonde "These are my emergency flashers!" [Reply]