Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them.
Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts. [Reply]
This fellow had owned this large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back forty, had it fixed up nice, picnic tables, horse shoe courts, basketball court, etc.
The pond was fixed for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond as he hadn't been there for a while and look it over.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or get out of the pond, I only came to feed my alligators." [Reply]
A man was driving down a winding road in a convertible while smoking a cigar. A woman in a convertible drove by the other direction and yelled "Pig!" The man yelled back "Bitch!" The man then drove around the corner and crashed into a pig. [Reply]
A man was standing in his front yard when he saw a hearse drive slowly by. Then another hearse drove by. Behind that hearse was a man walking a dog. 100 men were walking single-file behind that man.
The man in his yard asked the man with the dog, "What's going on here?" The man with the dog replied, "You see that first hearse? That's my wife."
"I'm so sorry. What happened?"
"She started yelling at me for always drinking and watching sports. Next thing you know, my dog here attacked and killed her."
"Wow. What about the other hearse?"
"Well, that's my mother in law. When she found out what happened, she started screaming and yelling at me and the dog attacked her too."
Originally Posted by Saul Good:
A man was driving down a winding road in a convertible while smoking a cigar. A woman in a convertible drove by the other direction and yelled "Pig!" The man yelled back "Bitch!" The man then drove around the corner and crashed into a pig.
A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.
"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" lifting her tank top to reveal a wonderful pair of C-cuppers.
"Errm, very good, dear," said her embarrassed mother.
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St Peter."
Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household. You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose. I told you to be the spiritual leader in your family. Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him. Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here. [Reply]
Originally Posted by Frankie:
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St Peter."
Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household. You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose. I told you to be the spiritual leader in your family. Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him. Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here.
True bravery is arriving home late after a boys' night out, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and still having the guts to ask, "Are you cleaning, or were you flying somewhere?" [Reply]
A indian man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only dark skinned man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The indian man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen
sir....when I was born I was Brown," "When I grew up I was Brown," "When I'm sick I'm Brown," "When I go in the sun I'm Brown," "When I'm cold I'm Brown," "When I die I'll be Brown."
"But you sir." "When you're born you're pink," "When you grow up you're white," "When you're sick, you're green," "When you go in the sun you turn red," "When you're cold you turn blue," "And when you die you turn purple." "And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
The indian man then sat back down and the white man walked away... [Reply]
Helen, the church gossip and self-appointed supervisor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.
Several members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused Fred, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She commented to Fred and others that everyone seeing it there would know for certain that he was an alcoholic. Fred, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He said nothing.
Later that evening, Fred, quietly parked his pickup in front of Helen's house...............
