Story One: Man arrested for giving wicked wedgies, or snuggies, or melvyns, or whatever you call pulling the underwear over a nerd's head.
Story Two: Fifty Year Old School Teacher Gets Tanked on Cheap Wine, wrecks her van, offers to blow the cop if he lets her go.
Florida, I love you. You're just so fun!
Story #1:
Charles Ross is known for orchestrating outrageous pranks and posting them to Youtube. But this time, the 18-year-old prankster may have gone a step too far.
Ross was arrested for battery Sunday night after he allegedly gave a series of wedgies to moviegoers outside the Carmike Royal Palm 20 in Bradenton, Fla., while a friend filmed the prank, the Bradenton Herald reports.
The underwear prank, which Gawker calls a "wedgie spree," ended badly for Ross when a 20-year-old male victim reported to authorities that Ross grabbed him "by the back of his pants and pulled them up hard," according to the Smoking Gun. Although other victims of the schoolyard prank also came forward, the 20-year-old is the only one seeking charges.
On his Youtube channel, Ross has uploaded video footage of him performing a variety of pranks -- from doing handstands over people to trying out pick-up lines -- but the latest in his compilation is by far one of his most hands-on public displays.
According to the police report obtained by the Smoking Gun, Ross challenged the male victim following the wedgie, "asking if he wanted to hit him."
The Mantee County Sheriff's Office arrested Ross and detained him overnight. He was released on $750 bail, records show, and his court date is set for Feb. 14.
Though Ross' wedgie spree was meant in jest, this is not the first time someone has been arrested for doling out the uncomfortable underwear gag. In 2006, an Albany, N.Y., teacher was arrested for endangering the welfare of a child after allegedly giving a 10-year-old student a wedgie during summer school.
Story #2:
'A' for effort?
Middle school math teacher Mary Maloney allegedly offered oral sex to a police officer after being nabbed for a hit-and-run in Palm Beach County, Fla.
Maloney, 53, was arrested Sunday after she crashed her van into a pickup truck around 8:35 p.m., then took off, according to an arrest report obtained by the Sun Sentinel. A witness to the crash tracked Maloney's car to a parking spot and then called police.
The arresting officer said he found an empty gallon jug of wine behind Maloney's driver's seat and "immediately smelled the strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from her person," according to WPTV. The report states that her eyes were glassy, bloodshot, and partially closed.
The officer that drove Maloney to the police station noted that she asked him "How much do I need to pay you to just let me go? Don't you understand I am a school teacher?"
She then allegedly offered to perform oral sex on him and allow him to fondle her breasts.
Maloney was charged with driving under the influence, leaving the scene of a crash with damage, resisting an officer without violence, driving with a suspended license and attempted bribery of a public servant. [Reply]
A 75-year-old Boca Raton woman has died after a delivery man struck her in the head with a wooden mallet and set her on fire, Boca Raton police announced Tuesday afternoon.
“Unfortunately, the victim succumbed to her injuries and has passed away,” Boca Raton police spokesman Mark Economou said in a statement. “We offer our sincere condolences to her family and loved ones.”
Jorge Luis Dupre Lachazo, 21, of Hialeah, was helping truck driver David Gonzalez deliver a washer and dryer to a home in the Colonnades at Glen Oaks neighborhood about 9 a.m. Monday, investigators said. They were working for JB Home Delivery, a company subcontracted by Best Buy.
Before the woman died, Best Buy CEO Corie Barry issued a statement Tuesday that said the company has suspended its relationship with JB Home Delivery and is working with police.
“We are profoundly sorry and offer our deepest sympathies to our customer and her family,” Barry wrote. “Out of respect for them, we have closed our Boca Raton store [Tuesday].”
The statement also said Best Buy would revisit its delivery and installation programs, and hire an independent security firm to review existing screening, auditing and safety procedures.
According to the arrest report, Gonzalez and Lachazo had just removed the old washer and dryer and installed the new appliances in the laundry room near the two-car garage.
Gonzalez, 48, went back to his JB Home Delivery truck to return several missed calls from the office. Lachazo remained inside the home to show the woman how to use the new appliances.
Minutes later, Gonzalez heard several screams and saw the garage door closing. He went into the house through the front door and saw the woman on the blood-stained floor near the laundry room and bathroom, the report said.
Lachazo was the only other person inside the house and Gonzalez told police his colleague was acting strange. He told Gonzalez they needed to leave. Gonzalez went outside to call his supervisor and then 911. Lachazo jumped in the truck and drove away, detectives said.
Police stopped the white box truck in the 7100 block of W. Glades Road. They said Lachazo was sweating and shaking. He was wearing short pants and the hairs on his lower legs were burnt and had ash on them. He was taken to Boca Raton Regional Hospital for treatment.
When investigators searched the house they found blood on the tile floor of the laundry room and burn marks on the washing machine and walls. There was charred debris and clothing on the floor and a strong chemical odor in the air.
A bloody wooden mallet was on the washing machine and glass wine bottle with blood and hair was on the floor. A pair of broken prescription glasses was between the washer and dryer, police said.
In the kitchen, a can of acetone was near the stove that was pulled away from the wall. Investigators later determined Lachazo’s fingerprints were on the can and its white plastic cap was on the laundry room floor.
During police questioning, Lachazo admitted to knocking the woman unconscious by hitting her on the left side of her head with the mallet. Then, he closed the garage door, got the acetone from the garage, and spread the chemical around the laundry room, but Lachazo said he didn’t know how it ignited.
Lachazo also admitted to recently using marijuana and cocaine, police said.
The woman had severe head trauma, bleeding in her brain and second and third degree burns on her body. She was listed in “extremely critical and grave condition,” investigators said in the arrest report.
Lachazo is charged with murder, aggravated battery on a person 65 or older, and arson causing great bodily harm, records show. He is being held without bond at the Palm Beach County Jail.
By Josh Fiallo
Published 5 hours ago
In the latest installment of near-unimaginable Florida news, a 74-year-old Sebring man has been arrested for allegedly performing a botched castration surgery on another man he’d met online through a fetish website, deputies said Tuesday.
Gary Van Ryswyk was charged with the second-degree felony of practicing medicine without a license resulting in bodily injury, deputies said.
According to an arrest affidavit, deputies arrived at Van Ryswyk’s house in Central Florida just before midnight on Sunday in response to a 911 hang-up call.
Upon arrival, Van Ryswyk admitted to deputies he had just removed the testicles of a man he’d met on “a website for those that have a fetish for castration," and, that, it didn’t go as planned.
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In the man’s guest bedroom, deputies said they found a 53-year-old man with a bloody towel on his groin.
Another section of the house was set up as a “makeshift surgical room,” deputies said, with medical equipment and even a camera to record the procedure.
The victim was flown to a nearby hospital for ‘life-saving measures,’ deputies said, and is currently in stable condition.
Using painkillers he’d purchased online from England, as well as forceps and scalpels he’d acquired, Van Ryswyk said he began the procedure on Sunday around 10 p.m., but the victim’s uncontrollable bleeding made it difficult for him to close the wound.
Van Ryswyk confessed to deputies that he performed a similar operation — with a similar disastrous fate — several years ago in a motel.
Van Ryswyk was arrested Monday and is now being held in jail on a $250,000 bond. [Reply]
By Josh Fiallo
Published 5 hours ago
In the latest installment of near-unimaginable Florida news, a 74-year-old Sebring man has been arrested for allegedly performing a botched castration surgery on another man he’d met online through a fetish website, deputies said Tuesday.
Gary Van Ryswyk was charged with the second-degree felony of practicing medicine without a license resulting in bodily injury, deputies said.
According to an arrest affidavit, deputies arrived at Van Ryswyk’s house in Central Florida just before midnight on Sunday in response to a 911 hang-up call.
Upon arrival, Van Ryswyk admitted to deputies he had just removed the testicles of a man he’d met on “a website for those that have a fetish for castration," and, that, it didn’t go as planned.
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In the man’s guest bedroom, deputies said they found a 53-year-old man with a bloody towel on his groin.
Another section of the house was set up as a “makeshift surgical room,” deputies said, with medical equipment and even a camera to record the procedure.
The victim was flown to a nearby hospital for ‘life-saving measures,’ deputies said, and is currently in stable condition.
Using painkillers he’d purchased online from England, as well as forceps and scalpels he’d acquired, Van Ryswyk said he began the procedure on Sunday around 10 p.m., but the victim’s uncontrollable bleeding made it difficult for him to close the wound.
Van Ryswyk confessed to deputies that he performed a similar operation — with a similar disastrous fate — several years ago in a motel.
Van Ryswyk was arrested Monday and is now being held in jail on a $250,000 bond.
I'm sure the ad said "No Freaks" at the end. [Reply]
Originally Posted by Al Bundy:
In the latest installment of near-unimaginable Florida news, a 74-year-old Sebring man has been arrested for allegedly performing a botched castration surgery on another man he’d met online through a fetish website, deputies said Tuesday.
In the man’s guest bedroom, deputies said they found a 53-year-old man with a bloody towel on his groin.
Just to make this story even extra fucking weird and almost unbelievable even by Florida standards, these two freaky MFe'ers are 74 and 53 years old.
Let that fact sink in for a moment........:-) [Reply]
Florida, America’s horniest state, has once again blessed us with a sticky, gooey MESS. Somebody needs to send a mage with a freshly sharpened quill down to the citadel to pull out the dusty tome called “The Book Of Horny Legends” because it needs to be updated. A Nassau County couple, Megan Lynn Mondanaro, 35, and Seth Aaron Thomas, 31, were arrested and charged with multiple crimes after they allegedly took an all expenses paid trip to The Bone Zone in the back of a patrol car after having failed field sobriety tests for biking while drunk and horny. The focus! The determination! The gall, and the nerve! Megan and Seth, we salute you!
According to People Magazine, Megan and Seth were out for a romantic late night bicycle ride when they seized their opportunity by the loins.
It was nearing midnight when a deputy from Nassau County Sheriff’s Office stopped Megan Lynn Mondanaro, 35, and Seth Aaron Thomas, 31, as they were riding their bicycles along a street in Fernandina Beach.
The report indicates neither bike had lights and that a motorist nearly struck the pair.
The deputy who stopped them said they smelled of alcohol and slurred their speech. The report claims their eyes were both bloodshot and watery. Bloodshot and watery, two of the sexitest words in the English language. Keep talking!
Field sobriety tests followed and were allegedly failed, so the policeman put Mondanaro and Thomas in the back of his patrol car.
The deputy details that he was still outside of his vehicle when Mondanaro and Thomas allegedly disrobed and started having sexual intercourse. The deputy said he opened the door to tell them to stop and noticed Thomas was completely naked and Mondanaro’s pants were down and her breasts exposed.
Completely naked, you guys. My man Seth simply can’t stand to have a stitch betwixt his flesh, and that of his lover. Lesser horn dogs might have kept their t-shirt on, but I guess nipples meeting nipples in the back of a 2011 Impala is a thrill too rare to pass up.
The report claims that Thomas was removed from the vehicle, and pushed another deputy to the ground before fleeing, sparking a brief foot chase.
Did he get his clothes back on first, or was his engorged love saber slapping out a beat so sensual, it caused spontaneous nocturnal emissions to erupt in every house within a 5-mile radius? Of course, no great sacrifice to the mighty god Libitum comes without consequence. And sadly for Megan and Seth, they got slapped with a little more than a UTI and a wet spot.
Mondanaro was charged with DUI, exposing sex organs, unnatural and lascivious act and resisting without violence.
Thomas was charged with threat against a public official, unnatural and lascivious act, exposing sex organs and DUI.
The good Libitus didn’t give us sexual organs, only to have us hide them under a bushel! And there’s nothing “unnatural” about two consenting horny drunken bicyclists getting it on the way Libitus intended: On easy-to-clean-up pleather seats! The injustice is maddening! #Justice4HornDogs
