Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them.
Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts. [Reply]
A buddy out of Longview Tx. said he'd killed a mosquito that was carrying a canteen.
A man in Dime Box Tx. said the chicken farmers were giving the chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
In Lake Palestine Tx. , they caught a 20 lb catfish that had ticks on it!
But just this week, in Bryan Tx., a fire hydrant was seen bribing a dog.
It's so dry in Texas that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling, the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks, and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water. [Reply]
An Oklahoma fan, a Kansas fan, and a Mizzou fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves their team the most. The Oklahoma fan insists that he is the most loyal. ''BOOMER SOONER'' he yells, and jumps off the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Kansas fan is next to profess his love for his… team. He yells, "ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK" and pushes the Mizzou fan off the mountain. [Reply]
Originally Posted by frankotank:
A guy is walking down the street and as he approaches a fence her hears people chanting…….”13, 13, 13, 13”. Curious, he wants to know what’s up, but the fence is too high to see over. A sign on the fence discloses that there’s an insane asylum on the other side and that only piques his curiosity further. As he’s walking down the fence line listening to the chanting he spots a hole in the fence. So he bends over to take a peek at what’s going on over there when all of a sudden……BOINK! Somebody pokes him in the eye with a stick.
Originally Posted by Jenson71:
My only guess is that the insane people are counting how many people they've poked in the eye. And that would be a disappointing joke.
On the ironic funny scale I give it a 3.42 out of 10, but yes you are correct. [Reply]
Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious Firm for over ten years.
Boss: Yes.
Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.
Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.
Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.
Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?
Employee: Great! It's a deal! Thank you, sir!
Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?
Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company And the Mortgage Company! [Reply]
Originally Posted by Jenson71:
Man, I do not understand this joke.
I had heard that actually in my childhood back in the old country. Thought it was a Persian joke and a few times I have tried to translate it to English with not much success in terms of funny.
A father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers, which she ended by saying.
"God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, and God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the right thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this:
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandma died.
Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."
He practically went into shock.
He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally, when midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened HERE.
He asked "What?”
She said "This morning our neighbor Tom had a sudden heart attack and died." [Reply]
