Originally Posted by beer me:
luv I think you're too hung up on your own physical appearance. If you want to lose weight fine but do it for you not for someone else. I think you seem to have a good heart and I don't think you should be afraid to take on a relationship if one presents itself. Confidence in yourself as a person is way more important than being as thin as you think you have to be.
Women are never happy with their bodies anyway. My gf is 112 pounds soaking wet, holding a brick and she thinks her butt is too big. I can cover an asscheek with one hand. Christ I drives me insane. The thing is I wouldn't care if it took two hands. Heh.
You're fine the way you are for the right person.
But yet, you're not dating a fatty.
It's all well and good to encourage luv to recognize the good things about herself and to accept that which she cannot change, but it's good to be realistic about the superficiality of the world too and to the extent that she can make herself attractive, it's good to put some effort into it.
She should brush her hair even if she's still a good person when her hair is a mess. She needs to put some effort into dressing nice instead of dressing down to the least acceptable level even if she's the same person either way. And if she's overweight (as opposed to having an unrealistic mental image of herself, like your gf), she ought to try to lose it, not only because it will make her more marketable but because it's good for her health.
Anyway, I applaud you, luv, for trying to lose some weight and I hope you are able to stay motivated and stick with it. And, btw, I assume you already brush your hair and try to dress nice (without breaking the bank, of course). I was just using those as examples. [Reply]
Originally Posted by patteeu:
But yet, you're not dating a fatty.
It's all well and good to encourage luv to recognize the good things about herself and to accept that which she cannot change, but it's good to be realistic about the superficiality of the world too and to the extent that she can make herself attractive, it's good to put some effort into it.
She should brush her hair even if she's still a good person when her hair is a mess. She needs to put some effort into dressing nice instead of dressing down to the least acceptable level even if she's the same person either way. And if she's overweight (as opposed to just being a mental case like your gf), she ought to try to lose it, not only because it will make her more marketable but because it's good for her health.
Anyway, I applaud you, luv, for trying to lose some weight and I hope you are able to stay motivated and stick with it. And, btw, I assume you already brush your hair and try to dress nice (without breaking the bank, of course). I was just using those as examples.
Excellent post. And, yes, I do try to brush my hair at least every other day.:-) [Reply]
Originally Posted by luv:
I wouldn't pass one up if it happens. You know how sick and tired someone gets of being told what a good person they are, how cool they are, and how sweet they are, only to get passed up for someone who acts like a bitch, but who's good looking? Don't tell me looks don't matter. I'm not going to lie to myself. They do matter. I'm not losing weight for someone else. I'm doing it so I can feel better about myself and how I present myself. In turn, hopefully that helps me find someone. If not, well, I've survived on my own.
Yes, they do matter. Well, apparently not for beer me's girlfriend, but I'd say that is generally true. [Reply]
Originally Posted by luv:
Well. I just got my first rejection of the new year. I have a friend who i get along great with. He knows I'm going to try to lose a lot of weight. I asked him if he would consider dating me if I lost the weight. He said that he prefered short blondes, so no. Eh. He took it as a hypothetical, which I guess it was. I would definitely date him if he wanted to, so it stung a little to know I'll never stand a chance. Oh well. I've decided that I do want to start dating again. If nothing, just to get out and do stuff and meet new people. However, I'm not going to persue anything until after I lose the weight. That will give me some extra motivation. Hopefully, I can find someone who actually prefers brunettes. :-)
what a load of BS.
sounds like you made him uncomfortable, so he spit out the first thing that came to his mind [Reply]
Looks matter, but don't you think love is blind sometimes? Case in point, I have this pastor friend, I think he's hot, and so do many others. But his wife? not so much:
Originally Posted by luv:
I wouldn't pass one up if it happens. You know how sick and tired someone gets of being told what a good person they are, how cool they are, and how sweet they are, only to get passed up for someone who acts like a bitch, but who's good looking? Don't tell me looks don't matter. I'm not going to lie to myself. They do matter. I'm not losing weight for someone else. I'm doing it so I can feel better about myself and how I present myself. In turn, hopefully that helps me find someone. If not, well, I've survived on my own.
I didn't mean to say looks don't matter or you shouldn't try to be your best. That was the furthest thing from my point. [Reply]
Originally Posted by Jilly:
Looks matter, but don't you think love is blind sometimes? Case in point, I have this pastor friend, I think he's hot, and so do many others. But his wife? not so much:
Here are the pictures:
Him and her
Neither are very asthetically pleasing, but if thats their kid, they make cute babies. [Reply]
Originally Posted by beer me:
I didn't mean to say looks don't matter or you shouldn't try to be your best. That was the furthest thing from my point.
Sorry. I just reacted to the "you've got a good heart" comment. I hear that over and over and over....
I'm not saying that looks are the only thing that matter. I would date someone I was attracted to if he was fine with my looks while I wasn't. I did that last time. My ex was fine with my looks, so I didn't put as much stress on it. Of course, he ended up being full of shit, and I ended up getting lazy in my eating habits. Even if I do start dating someone who was fine with the way I look now, I would still continue to try to lose weight. I learned my lesson last time. [Reply]
Originally Posted by beer me:
I've dated more voluptuous girls. This one asked me out I said yes.
And I certainly didn't say or mean luv shoudn't care about what she looks like. I was trying to be encouraging.
Unfortunately (and I'm sure unintentionally), you were encouraging her to buy into the excuses that she'd need to take the easier path instead of the path that will lead to greater long term satisfaction. Fortunately she remains strong enough to reject that temptation. Let's all resolve to encourage her to stick to her program. [Reply]
